Ive always suffered with anxiety and taking thst first step to try for a baby was huge for me. However it ended with an ectopic pregnancy requiring surgery and removal of my right tubr
Its been 4 months and i get pain around ovulation and my period which triggers my anxiety but now we are also talking about trying again but im so petrified all i can think of is the % of it going wrong again and how this is our last chance if things do go wrong. Also feel like at 29 my time is running out and everything is against me.
Im not full of excitement just dread.
Sorry for the long post just needed somewhere to vent with people who understand
How did everyone else cope with the stress of trying again
Hi
Just messaging to say you’re not alone.
I’m in a very similar boat to you having had an ectopic in August with removal of right tube. I also had a lot of pain in first few months that is finally settling - that has helped to ease anxiety a little bit.
The first month of trying was incredibly anxiety inducing, and in hindsight I didn’t reach out to my partner and those close to me as much as I should have, just to say i was finding it hard!
It’s feeling a little easier this month, and I’m trying to accept there will always be spikes of anxiety. Time is on your side and you’ve got to try and remind yourself of the positives (I understand though how sometimes it feels like there is none!)
I’ve had some counselling which if you are able to, has also been very helpful xxx
Hi,
I had my ectopic in May and had my right tube removed. Like you, I have anxiety and this whole experience threw me off (almost vindicated my anxiety). Anyway, I decided to start trying too a few months ago and the first month was difficult. Every time I felt any sort of pain, even IBS, would trigger PTSD (which is what it is for me) and at times even a panic attack. I decided to see a therapist and she told me to write down what would trigger the anxiety in my phone. And I literally started doing that. A pang of pain, out comes my phone. You realise that the pain is usually the same (or similar) in nature and you spot a pattern. Eventually you’re less triggered by certain pains and feelings because you think oh yeah I had that last month and i was fine. It’s not a perfect method as I still have my moments and working on my mentally well being but it’s definitely reduced the number of trips down the rabbit hole. Stopping to write and think about the physical trigger creates a space for you to think before your mind reacts. I suppose it’s a type of CBT.
I hope this helps!
Dear Pixiecenture,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss.
The thought of trying to conceive again can be very daunting after everything we experience with ectopic pregnancy loss, you are not alone.
It is also common to feel pain when we didn’t before. We are not sure of the exact cause of this, but it was something I experienced too. It may be to do with the surgery and the healing process, it may also be due to heightened perception of everything we have been through.
I spoke to my GP about it and was just about to have investigations when I fell pregnant, so I never did find the answer. If the pain continues, i advise keeping a diary of the pain, when it happens, how long it lasts, intensity from 1-10, and if anything helps like gentle warmth or pain relief. Visiting the doctor with this information will help them formulate a plan of care for you.
It is also common for us to feel heightenend worries and anxiety after a traumatic experience such as ectopic pregnancy. In a very short space of time, we suddenly experience a life threatening emergency and its treatment, the loss of our babies and concerns for the future. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense so don’t be too hard on yourself. It can take up to 3months to even begin to process traumatic events such as these. Around 30% of people will experience Post Traumatic Stress after ectopic pregnancy as we at the Trust believe talking can help.
We have many ways we can help as well as these forums, including email support and telephone help line (please just be aware, we may not get back to you as quickly as normal over the christmas period)
https://ectopic.org.uk/how-we-can-help
You can also contact your doctor for help and advice on talking therapies. As has been mentioned, journaling is also effective in writing our thoughts and feelings in a safe space.
Regarding conceiving again, there is an 90% chance of it being in the right place next time and it maybe comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant at 18 months, rising to 85% at two years.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We feel a mix of emotions between wanting to try again and being petrified of what may lie ahead. We don’t forget our experience, but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be months ahead yet. In time we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again, when this is is individual for everyone. There is no set timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Be kind to yourself and allow time to heal and recover both physically and emotionally. We will be herd for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love and gentle hugs,
Karen x