Coping with a second ectopic

Preparing For Your Next Pregnancy
1

Hi, my partner and I had been trying for 2 years prior to our first ectopic in may 2019. The doctors have said my only remaining tube needs removing or repairing before we can move forward in ivf or trying naturally. In my head I’d like it removed due to how nervous I am about having another ectopic. I honestly have struggled since may, most days I feel like I dont want to even be here, it has hit me more than I ever thought it would. How did you all move past the fear of it happening again? I dont think my mind or my body can go through the heartache again. I am interested to know if anyone spoke to anyone to get past feeling like this or who you recommend I see? I just dont know where to start!

Thank you in advance shelley xx

2

So sorry to hear you’re feeling like that. I think it is really common to have those emotions, I know that I certainly have. I think when you have experienced ectopic before, the ‘fear’ is always there in the background, i personally just tried to take one day at a time and tried not to let it overwhelm me. I found talking to people about it helped, I actually had some counselling following my second ectopic. The counselling was by a charity who specialised in pregnancy loss so maybe that is something you could look into if you thought it may help? With regards to making a decision about how to move forward, I am in a similar position and trying to decide whether to try again naturally, or look into ivf. It’s a difficult decision, and not a decision that you can put a time frame on I don’t think. I think my advice would be to speak with your doctor to really go through all your options. I think the fear will always be there at some point though, it’s just how you rationalise it. I think with counselling I came to realise that fear and worrying won’t change the outcome of a future pregnancy, however it will affect how I feel on a day to day basis. I hope that helps a bit! And best wishes x

3

Dear Shell_624,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.

In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

I too struggled emotionally after my ectopic pregnancy and many women, including myself, experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Above all be kind to yourself. Allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. We will be here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team