How to manage worry/anxiety when trying again

BettyAnne · 14 December 2020 14:13

Hi everyone,

Apologies for the rant, I just need to type it out so it will hopefully help calm my mind.

I went through my ectopic pregnancy in August (my first pregnancy, my experience with methotrexate is here: viewtopic.php?f=1&t=41734&p=305950). After everything that happened, we have finally reached the other end of the 3 month wait. We are not pushing ourselves, but we are trying again.

The timing of doing the deed is very similar to when I got pregnant the first time so there is a chance that I could get pregnant again, if everything goes well. If that was the case, I would be roughly 2.5 weeks pregnant now. Of course it is far too early to take a test, but my mind has started to wonder on the possibility of it and rather than excitement, I’m feeling more worry.

I’m scared it will happen again… While I was lucky that I did not need surgery, I am scared I might go through it all over again (since the changes are higher now since I had one before). It doesn’t help that currently when I sleep on my side my shoulder gets sore, so when I wake up with a shoulder ache my stomach sinks and I get worried until I stretch it out and it goes away.

This morning I woke up at 6am because I was on my side, so slightly uncomfortable shoulder again (but not painful) but also my boobs felt uncomfortable. It could have just been because the way I was on my side and they were between my arms (so maybe uncomfortable because of pressure) but I can’t help thinking back to that being the first sign I was pregnant a few months ago. They felt fine after I got up for work, so it’s not the exact same as the first time.

I know there’s probably not much that can be said that will help stop my mind from worrying, but I was hoping maybe someone here might have some advice. I’m not panicking, just worried and anxious over what might happen again.

Thank you for reading this. It helps to voice it out <3

EPT_Host_20 · 15 December 2020 20:58

Dear BettyAnne,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. I certainly understand the worry you are going through when we try to conceive following ectopic pregnancy.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us.

Sending much love,

Karen x The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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BettyAnne · 15 December 2020 21:20

Hi Karen,

Thank you for reading my rambles and replying. It really helps knowing there is support out there

Even though if I have conceived this month, it would have only been a week ago (roughly). I have had a shoulder ache most of today which is very similar to when I had my previous ectopic and it is in the same place. I had a chat with our out of hours Dr and she was very kind and supportive.

She suggested that if I would like to be doublely sure to call my GP in the morning for a blood test, since it is too early for urine tests to detect anything. She passed on a note so the Dr will know. I’m so happy to have local supportive doctors.

I would love if it was positive and my shoulder is just sore from sleeping on it. I would also be OK if I wasn’t pregnant this time, since it would be just the achy shoulder.

Fingers crossed I’m just overly paranoid It’s for peace of mind that I will book the GP tomorrow.

Thank you again for reading. It’s nice to voice it all out

EPT_Host_20 · 19 December 2020 21:04

Dear BettyAnne,

I hope you get a positive result.

I will be thinking of you and second the advice to seek urgent medical advice with any worsening symptoms.

We are here for you for as long as you need,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust