Some advice would be nice

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I was seven weeks pregnant just a few days ago. Friday I went to my seven week ultrasound. No symptoms besides a little morning sickness. thought everything was fine. They couldn’t see the baby. They took some blood and sent me home. Four hours later and they were sending us to the emergency room.

Eight hours, four ultrasounds, a pelvic exam and five times giving blood later, they told me my pregnancy was ectopic, gave me methotrexate and sent me home. I was so exhausted all I did was scream at the doctors and nurses as we left. I went back to give blood today (Monday) and I should go back Thursday to give more blood and speak with the doctor. I’m terrified of being told I’m going to need surgery or that I’m going to die.

I don’t know what to do. My partner and I are devastated. He thinks I should be talking to people but talking about it makes me even more upset. Ever since the ER i’ve had moments where I go unresponsive for a few minutes. I cry constantly. I’m barely eating or drinking. I want to die.

My partner is making me promise that I won’t each time he goes to work. I’ve taken the week off, but I run a daycare. I’m terrified to go back to work and see all those babies but I can’t afford to take any more time off.

I feel so terrible. Like I failed myself and my partner. I feel like a murderer for letting them give me the medicine. I would have rather died than let them hurt my baby.

Logically I know the baby couldn’t have ever really been alive, but I feel like it’s all my fault.

My partner keeps telling me it’s not the same as an abortion and I could have died and it’s not my fault and nobody will blame me.

But it doesn’t seem to help. Nothing seems to help. I know it’s only been a few days since I found out. But, i’m scaring my partner because of how little I’m eating and drinking, because I don’t have any energy and because he knows I want to die.

I don’t want to scare him. I don’t really want to feel better. But I don’t want him to be scared to go to work and leave me home alone.

I don’t know how to cope with any of this. I don’t have friends and my family didn’t even know I was pregnant because of how judgmental they are.

I have no one but my partner and he’s having to go to work. Leaving me here to my thoughts for hours at a time.

I just feel so guilty. I don’t know what to do besides sleep and shut it all out until I can die. I just need help

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Dear Ivyvine,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and it is normal to feel sad and confused.

I too had methotrexate and so I truly understand how scary this wait is whilst you wait to see if it bringing down your levels, I hope this brings some comfort, but I didn’t need any further injections or surgery following my injection. To reassure you a little the hCG level often rises on the day four blood test because the action of Methotrexate is not instantaneous, so the cells will have continued to divide for two or three days after the injection was given, and some cells release more hCG when they start to disappear. Your doctors are looking to see a drop in your hCG value of at least 15% between days four and seven. If there has not been a 15% drop, this is when the doctors will consider a second dose of Methotrexate or surgery.

I also felt incredibly guilty following my ectopic pregnancy and I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame and you are not a murderer. Ectopic pregnancy can be life threatening to the mother and we do not have a choice about having treatment for it and your partner is very right in that it is nothing like having an abortion.

With regards to returning to work, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the

psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. Stress can manifest itself in many ways including affecting your eating habits and wellbeing. Whilst not eating can be normal for a stress reaction, your emotions are very intense at the moment and I would advise speaking to your GP as soon as you can.

You mentioned a number of times about wanting to end your life and although we are here for you, these are very strong emotions and I urge you to speak to someone right away. I’d your GP surgery is closed, you can call NHS 111 or I would also I would also advise speaking to the Samaritans. There is more information on the link here

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-h … samaritan/

Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Hi ivyvine,

I’m so sorry to hear this. There is nothing in the world that comes close to the feelings you have. I have had two ectopic pregnancy’s it’s hard! I really blamed myself and hated that I HAD to sign my babies life’s away! I hated myself! I knew in my heart I would have done anything to protect them and felt o failed as a women and a mum. After a lot of research self hate love from this group I began to put myself together. I know now I could not anthinr to save my wanted children but I did save myself! I have thrown myself into new things “getting out their more” I have decided what ever happens I’m going to live my life the best I can for my children as their life was stolen from me! When I see children which is never easy I laugh and say at least life did not still their life! I believe my children are angels to perfect for this world! I picked my self up and making sure I make the most of it for them. When I see them again I want them to be proud that even though I had them for a very short while they changed my life my outlook! This is not a easy road at all but I’m sure with the support you will get through this group you can do it! Women who survive a ectopic are worries and you are one to! You had no choice in the situation this was not something you did or did not do! But you have a choice to live for your baby and know you did your absolutely best! Your amazing and can do this! Here anytime if you need a chat! My last point is you have had the injection your body is going through a lot please don’t throw your self back into work you need time to grieve and to heal inside and out! If you are feeling low maybe going to your gp might help remember this is support out there and you have taken the first step my writing this post!

Take care

Love Stacey