Hello not really sure how to write this but I had a miscarriage in august which hit me and my boyfriend hard him especially more because he wasn’t aloud to leave work to come to me and he’s beaten himself up about it for a while now and wouldn’t talk to me about it , then 4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant I was terrified to tell him as I knew something was wrong and not like my first child I had I went to work and ended up ringing my boss because I in agony and bleeding a lot thought I was having another miscarriage I went to hospital and rang him to say but again he couldn’t get away so went there on my own they did my bloods and sent me for a scan there they told me I was having an ectopic I was an emotional wreck I didn’t know what to do they came around with my option of surgery or methotrexate and asked the doctor which was best I ended up having to shots of the methotrexate and left hospital 16 minutes after having it they thought I would be best at home as I was hysterical my boyfriend came to stay and to make sure I was ok he was different and didn’t want to talk like he came isolate , and still the same now I’m struggling to come to terms with what ave been through and feel so alone and no where to turn anyone be able to help me and give me any ideas how to make him feel ok again
Dear Sophie,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. To experience one loss is difficult, to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking, especially over such a short amount of time and my heart truly goes out to you.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Your partner may also be feeling numb too. It can be difficult as they may experience grief over the loss of their babies and also concern about the health and welfare of their partners.
My partner went home and googled ectopic pregnancy and came back to see me in hospital white as a sheet and exhausted as he hadn’t slept all night through worry.
It maybe that he just needs time to process what has happened. I would advise reassuring him that you are willing to talk when he is. He may Also feel guilt for.not being able to be with you, so I would also reassure him that you understand he was stuck at work and do not blame him for this.
We also have a mens space forum where men have written their personal experiences, perhaps you could read these together and it may help him to start talking to you if he feels can.
Whilst you are supporting your partner, we are also here to support you and please continue to lean on us for as long as you need.
Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, and to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team