Hi,
So this is my first time on anything like this but reading through some of the posts I think it may help me, and hopefully others. Also, apologies for the length of this post but please bear with me.
My partner and I are a same sex couple who have been going through the IUI process for the last year or so. It has always been known that my partner would be the one to carry our baby and therefore she has been prodded and poked by an obscene amount of doctors and nurses during this time. We had our first treatment and a couple of weeks later discovered it had not worked (disappointment), the second treatment included medication which produced too many eggs and therefore we could not go ahead (even more disappointment). That brings us to this treatment. We had the treatment, and my partner has had a couple of periods since therefore no pregnancy. We recently went on holiday and whilst away she experienced really bad stomach pains, mainly at night, that would wake her up in the middle of the night. We thought maybe it was the food, too much drink, appendicitis, even started to think the ‘c’ word. At the same time she had symptoms of pre menstrual or even pregnancy. Whilst we did consider ectopic pregnancy I certainly didn’t want to believe it. We decided to do a test when we got home, after 2 weeks in a foreign country, and it was positive… Great news! Maybe the pain was everything preparing itself? It could have been a combination of flying, dehydration, IBS, all sorts. My partner knew something wasn’t right however I was staying positive. Same day as returning from holiday an appointment was made at the dr’s and they were very concerned. We were referred to an early pregnancy unit. The paperwork was sent across on the Friday meaning we had the whole weekend (at the very least) to wait. My partner got a call on Monday and she headed straight to the hospital. I was at work, and never made it in time. I got a phone call… It was bad news. We should have been 11 weeks, but the baby was the size of 7 weeks and it had stopped growing. The baby had placed itself just outside of the womb. Devastation. It feels like we have already grieved this cycle because we thought the cycle had failed, but now it feels like we are having to grieve all over again, over something we had for let’s be honest one weekend.
My partner has been so strong, but I am a mess. I have a range of emotions, but I feel like I have no right to be this upset. I’m usually the one who does the consoling and now I am struggling to be consoled. I want to cry, but I keep thinking how can I cry if she is ok. As someone who has never been pregnant I have no idea what she is going through. But as a woman I do feel like there is this connection beyond words that I feel. But do I?
This whole process I thought would be a joyous occasion but it seems to have been far from that. It feels like disappointment after disappointment with this being the biggest of all. There’s a lot to process, and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel but I am struggling to see it at the moment.