Rest In Peace my Little Angel xxxxxxx

Poems, Prose, and Words of Remembrance
1

To my darling angel taken far too early

Oh my baby, Im so sorry about Friday 23rd January 2009.

When I went to the doctors the previous week with severe

tummy craps I had no idea I was pregnant,

the doctor said it was just a viral bug

and sent me home, it was only when I

returned on that Friday as my period

was still heavy and I still had cramps

that another doctor insisted I take a

pregnancy test where it was confirmed

you were part of me.

I knew immediatly things werent going to

be ok but my doctor sent me straight to

hospital to see what was happening.

One gyne doctor even gave me false hope

by saying that he thought everything would be ok,

he just wanted me to have a scan to confirm

what was happening.

That was the worst day of my life ever

when the women scanning me said you

werent in my womb as you should be

but in my fallopian tube and that there

was no choice but to remove you and my

tube, I was 8-10 weeks pregnant and you

were my functioning little baby with

your own heartbeat and I am devestated

that you had to be taken from me in such

a cruel way. Within 2 hours as I was being

taken to theatre I was saying over and

over again I Love You and Goodbye,

I hope you heard me.

Believe me little one, if I had known

about you I would of taken things so

much easier in those early weeks to

try and make your journey to my womb

as easy as possible and for that I have

failed you, but please believe me,

although un-planned and un-known,

you were so desperatly wanted and

loved and I would give ANYTHING to turn the clock back.

I know you are in heaven with your

cousins who were also so cruely snatched

away far too early, and I look forward

to the day I can join you and hold you

in my arms and give you the love you

havn’t had the chance to experiance with

me on earth.

My heart has broken into a thousand

pieces and it will never repair,

I will NEVER EVER forget you and

again I am so so sorry me and my

body let you down. You are always

in my thoughts, heart and dreams,

please never forget me and rest assured

I WILL be with you one day.

I send you my love, hugs and kisses

to infinity and beyond and will

always be there for you should

you want to visit me in spirit,

All our love, your mummy, daddy

and big brother (who would of been so

proud and doted on you so much)

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2

Hello hun,

I’ve just read your post and couldn’t pass by without sending you the hughest ((hug)).

I lost my first EP baby on 23 January 2006 and my heart still aches from time to time.

I just want you to know that that old cliche ‘time is the greatest healer’ is soooo true. You are raw, you are grieving, but believe me you will get through this.

You little lost one knows exactly how it was loved and when you look to the sky and see a twinkling star - that’s for you.

Hang on in there.

Sarah xxxxxxxxxx

3

Did you hear all those lovely words today my little one?

Did you feel the love surrounding you and all those other little ones that were so cruelly snatched away?

Mummy and Daddy were sat right there, reading along, trying to say the words, but I found it so hard knowing that you were in that little box in front of me at the church.

I wrote you a card for you to take with you and have put on the envelope that your grandads are to read it out to you everyday so you know how much I love you, miss you, want to hold you in my arms and cuddle you, smell you and to be there for you - im so, so very sorry that physically I cant do all of these things, but know it your heart my little one that a part of me left with you and you are never out of my heart or thoughts and one day when I do meet you, it will be forever and there is a lot of making up to do.

I shall be back at your butterfly garden in two weeks when they scatter yours and all you little friends ashes - hold hands and help each other along the way until you are safe, know that I am there and although my heart is broken I know you will soar like a butterfly and find your way to a new home,

love and kisses to you as always

mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

4

To my precious babycakes

4 months today you were taken from me, and it still hurts - thinking of you everyday and I still cant remove this heavy feeling in my heart.

Off camping today sweetheart something you should be doing with us, everything I do I think that you should be here.

I hope your looking after your grandad, I did remind him that he would get to meet you when he was scared in hospital and that made him smile, tell him we all love him, miss him and to look after you and hug you lots

mummy misses you and loves you loads and loads and loads

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5

Oh my darling,

today was my due date when I should of met you, took you in my arms, cuddled you, kissed you and loved you so much, a day that has been cruely snatched away from us

I hope you saw me today at the butterfly garden, I had your toy there and I left one of my favourite flowers for you…I find it so hard to leave that garden, it feels like im tearing myself away from you each time and I still feel such a failure for my body letting you down…I so wish things had been different and that I was meeting you properly today xx

Mummy has another baby in her tummy now, but you will ALWAYS be my 2nd baby and will NEVER leave my heart, I just wish I had a chance to show you how much I love you xx

oh what a sad, sad, hard day its been, its so unfair and I still cant get my head round WHY, why did it have to happen, why did I let you down…I know there are no answers but there is still so much pain that nothing is taking it away

I love you so much sweetheart and I hope your with my family in a place thats far to good for this earth playing with other angels

cuddling you tight sweetheart, mummy loves you more than I can put into words

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6

Well my sugar plum you are again even more so in my thoughts today as your cousin arrived safely into the world this morning, he would of been your play friend only 5 weeks younger than you.

Ive been so messed up about my sisters (your auntie’s) pregnancy, knowing that none of it was her fault whatsoever, it was just so hard as everystep of the way I kept thinking about how far I would of been gone with you, a constant reminder if you like of how you should of been growing inside me.

Strangly, I feel happy this morning with her news but it makes me reflect on what I have lost and that makes me cry, I so wish you were here to meet your cousin.

I shall be meeting him today and I know that once again I am faced with the bitter-sweetness of it all and dont think this pain will ever go away… I hope you know, you are never out of my thoughts and mummy loves and misses you more every day

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7

Happy Christamas my little angel cake xxxx

Mummy hasnt stopped thinking about you and found yesterday quite hard on what would of been your first christmas, made even harder knowing that this time last year I was pregnant with you and didnt even know it…

U are never out of my thoughts sweetheart, I just hope you and your granddad looked after each other on your first christmas away from all the people who love you both so very much

loving you to infinity and beyond Mummy and Charlie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

8

Oh my little angel im so, so, so sorry I never got the chance to write to you on here yesterday on the one year anniversary that I found out about you and lost you xxxxxx but I hope you heard me talking to you and praying for you and if you did hear me you’ll know why…your little brother was born yesterday exactly one year on, the day I lost you and it was the hardest of days :cry:

Id arranged a sitter for your big brother so I could come and visit your resting place and I knew what I wanted to write to you and say to you but I had always had the weirdest of feelings when I found out this little one was due on the 21st Jan that he would come two days late on our sad anniversary and at 6.30am yesterday he decided to make his way.

I spent the whole day not only going through the motions of labour but also remembering you and what happened in hospital that awful, awful day with your daddy and auntie mandy…it was so hard to be happy for my new arrival yet mourn the loss of you with again those same people, same date, different hospital and such a different outcome.

My heart is broken and I feel a mess as ive let you down…was this meant to be, should I spend the 23rd Jan each year celebrating your little brothers life and birthday or should I mourn the loss of you my unborn angel, people say things happen for a reason, but I cant believe such two extreme events could happen on the same day for any good reasons.

I will be visiting your resting place soon my sweartheart to make up for yesterday I promise you and I want you to know that I have thought about you every single day this last year and will continue to do so until I meet you one day playing in heaven,

please forgive mummy, I let you down last year and I feel like I did it again yesterday, I promise you im not bad and I love you so much it hurts and that you are never, ever, ever out of my thoughts

Love to infinity and beyond forever and always, mummy, charlie and your little brother

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9

my darling angel,

another day, another visit to your butterfly garden, lots more tears, will this pain ever go away…

I lit my candle for you tonight, held your teddy, read poems and listened to lots of songs that mean so much to me and it brings back all the hurt and pain I felt that day when I lost you.

I just want you to know I will never, ever forget you and I may be busy with your brothers but you are never out of my thoughts

all my love to infinity and beyond

mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

10

hello my little poppet

I cant believe it was two years ago I found out about you and lost you, it still feels like yesterday I remember it so well.

Today has been a very hard day, it is your little brothers 1st birthday and whilst I was thinking about what happened last year with his labour I also kept remembering what happened during the day with you two years ago, i felt so torn, being happy for Isaac and infront of everyone being all smiley yet inside my heart aching for you and it hurts so much :cry:

You are never out of my thoughts my little angel, and please dont ever think that mummy would forget you, that will NEVER happen as long as I breath and when the day comes that I stop breathing I shall meet you, scoop you up in my arms and squeeze and kiss you so much to make up for all this lost time. In the meantime, I hope you have lots of cuddles with you grandparents, you would of met nanny daisy recently, she may look little and frail but she is a very strong woman and will always be there for you like she was for me.

I sit here now with my candle lit, our song on, in tears thinking what could of been, what I have lost and what you have missed out on and I still cant make sense of it all, there is no reason, no answer only sadness and grief.

I feel like im rambling now but all I reallly need to say is I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO VERY MUCH and send you the biggest hug my darling angel

loving you to infinity and beyond

mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx