EDD 26th June 2008

Poems, Prose, and Words of Remembrance
1

Today was my EDD. My ep baby should have been here today.

I tried to write a poem. I started so many times, but I couldn’t get it to sound right. I’m an awful poet!

So this is just a jumble of thoughts!

I don’t understand why it happened. I don’t understand who decides what is fair. It did happen, and it changed me forever.

Today I would have been holding you in my arms, but you are not here. We should have been taking walks in the park this summer, you in your brand new pushchair. The birds singing and the sun shining; me, moaning about how tired I was. I wish I was absolutely exhausted now, instead of just sad.

I am so very sorry my body let you down. They took you away, but you’ll always, always, be inside me, in my heart. Every day I think of you and miss you. I don’t know if I’ll see you again somewhere some day, I don’t know if that’s how it works, I do hope so.

Since I lost you, I have learned some things. Life can change in a matter of minutes. Love can’t be measured by the amount of time you have with someone. Friends can become strangers and strangers can become friends (and lifelines, even if I’ve never actually ‘met’ them – thankyou ladies, you’ve all helped). I’ve learned that I am both immensely strong and incredibly fragile. I’ve learned that life has to go on, the world doesn’t stop turning, even if it feels like it has.

I feel like there is some kind of release today, like I’ve reached a milestone. It’s ok to go on missing my baby, but it’s also ok to just go on.

Goodbye my little one, I’m so sorry I never got to tell you that I loved you. I do, so very much.

Love Mummy xxx

2

A year ago today, I was 3 and a half weeks pregnant with you. I didn’t even know it yet. You were already in the wrong place. Such a lot has changed in a year. I feel so much sadder, and I miss you today, like every day.

blowing you kisses, love Mummy xxx

3

It’s my birthday today, sweetheart. This day last year, I was having post metho bloods taken and feeling tired and dazed. This year I feel less dazed but more sad. I still miss you incredibly.

Today your great grandmother has joined you. She passed away tonight. I want you to know Nanny is the bravest, strongest woman with an incredible hug and a wicked sense of humour. I hope she has all her strength back again tonight and is back together with Grandad. I know they’ll both look after you.

love you,

Mummy

xxx

:cry:

4

Well, it was the 4th December last year that you finally left me. I was waiting on the ward to be taken to theatre now. This is the last, first anniversary date, little one. I love you.

Mummy

xxx

5

You would have been 6 months old. This would have been your first Christmas. We would have been so happy.

I’m so very sorry. I miss you every single day.

There is a present for you under the tree, I will look after it for you. Until I am with you again, my precious baby.

All my love,

Mummy

xxxx

6

Happy Christmas my beautiful Baby

xxx

Love Mummy

xx

7

Hope you are ok, Pumpkin.

Mummy misses you always. I hope Nanny found you and Grandad, and you are all singing songs together. I miss you all. xxx

Two of Mummy and Daddy’s friends have left us here recently. If you see Laurence, say hello. He is a Spurs fan too, just like you are :slight_smile: Nick is an Arsenal fan, but a good guy all the same. Keep them chatting until I get there one day to see you all again.

All of my love, forever

Mummy

xxxx

8

Hello Little One xxx

Please send Mummy some strength. I miss you loads. xxx

((((cuddles)))) always,

Mummy

xxxx

9

Hi honey :heart:

Wanted you to have my 1000th post, as you were the one that brought me here. It isn’t a special day or anniversary, just another ordinary day, but every day I miss you still.

If you had made it to the right place you would have been 9 months now, and you would have been the one listening to my ramblings all day long, instead of the lovely ladies here! After all this time I still need this site, and the girls here, just as I did at the beginning. I miss you, Babycake, you know that. Sending cuddles and kisses and love. Always.

Love Mummy xxxx

10

Fi

I am so glad that for all the pain and loss you know you can be here for all time if you want to be and you can always send a message to your baby.

Gentle hugs

11

Thanks and ((hugs)) Izzie :slight_smile:

xxx

12

Hello Sweetheart. ♥

I’m thinking of you, and sending you kisses. xxxx

love Mummy. x

13

Hello Angel. x

You would have been one today. It would have been your birthday. I miss you every day. xx

Today I found out your little brother or sister won’t make it either. I need you to watch over us all, and when your brother or sister gets to be with you, look after each other until I get there too.

I love you both so much, and I am so heartbroken, and so sorry.

love Mummy

xxxx

14

My Darling Angel,

I wish it was all ok. I wish I didn’t wake up today. I can’t do anything right. Please make it stop. Please help me.

Mummy

x

15

My two beautiful babies,

You are together now. Please, please look after each other. If there was anything, anything I could have done to make things different I would have. I love you so much and will ache every day of my life without you here with me. I hope you are not in pain now and don’t suffer, let me do that for you.

I love you and miss you and I am so sorry,

Mummy

xxxxx

16

Oh Fi, I feel so much pain for you. I wish I could give you a huge cuddle in person but this will have to do ((((((((((HUG))))))))))

I don’t know if this will give you any comfort, but I know your angels will be together, just as I know mine are. I was told this by someone who could not possibly know anything about me, but could see them with me at the ages they would have been had they been born.

Take care of yourself.

Jx

17

Thank you J. xxx

You take care too hun.

much love, Fi x

18

Hi Fi

Hope you have as restful a night as you can.

Please know that I am thinking of you.

Jx

19

Hi Fi

Just letting you know that you are in my thoughts and I hope you are coping okay.

I don’t want to intrude and I hope you forgive me if you think I am; I just want to let you know that I am thinking of you. Even though you must feel isolated and alone, please know you are not.

Huge hugs ((((((((((CUDDLE))))))))))

Jx

20

My two angels,

Thinking about you. Hope you are ok together. I am going to get some jewellery with a pearl (my darling ep baby’s birthstone) and a garnet (my beautiful little girl, Amy Sophia’s birthstone). The stones will be together, just like I hope you both are. x

I got the final results of all the chromosome tests back today, my daughter who tried so hard, made it across from the right ovary down the left tube. I am so sorry. I miss you so much it physically hurts. I am going to go to the memorial garden where your ashes are next week and leave flowers for the both of you. Beautiful, tiny flowers from Mummy who misses you both.

Look after each other,

I love you and miss you :cry:

Mummy

xxxxxxx