Not sure how to feel…

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1

Hi there,

Not really sure if this is the place to ask and confide in.

I’m 29 and almost 3 weeks post surgery for an emergency operation to remove a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.

So I will begin my story back in January just 3 weeks after my wedding day I began to notice changes in my body that resembled pregnancy symptoms, I began to do tests however did not gain a positive result.

I continued to monitor these for a week still getting a negative result on a test, but pregnancy symptoms were getting more obvious. After many tries to gain a doctors appointment to discuss my worries, I finally received a phone call and was told to continue monitoring my symptoms and do a test again in 2 weeks or to come back if symptoms got worse. I continued to monitor my symptoms and they did get worse I began to bleed and gained pains in my tummy. At first I put this down to my PCOS symptoms and believed maybe it was just a delay in a period as I do suffer from these.

However I knew something wasn’t right, so I tried to get doctors appointment which just was impossible to get. So I resorted to a 111 phone call as the pain was too much I couldn’t sleep at night, after a chat with someone on 111 they told me to get to my nearest a and e and after 4 hours of waiting they told me they couldn’t help me! I was angry and upset at this point.

That evening I had to beg my doctors for an emergency appointment as I knew something wasn’t right. I finally got an appointment with a doctor to be told I was pregnant after they did a urine test but being in pain wasn’t a good sign. She went through the possible options and explained I will need to refer you to the Early Pregnancy Unit at a hospital.

The following morning she rang and asked me to get to EPA for midday. I couldn’t even complete the scans I was in that much pain (shoulder tip pain is horrible) and that is then when my world came crumbling down and everything changed. That’s when the doctor explained to me I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and it had ruptured and I had to go for emergency surgery. When I came round from the anaesthetic they explained to my husband that I was very lucky as I had been bleeding internally from the rupture of the ectopic pregnancy and they explained that I was roughly 9 weeks pregnant from the size of the mass they had to remove along with my right fallopian tube.

I’m now almost 3 weeks post surgery, and the physical pain has started to ease. However the mental pain comes and goes and some days are ok and some days I just don’t have the motivation to do anything. I’ve hit a point in my recovery where I don’t know how I should feel or how to respond to others.

I’m being told I should be ok now and ready to go back to work and others are telling me to take more time you’re not ready. So many mixed messages and I know it’s my decision but I’m being made to feel that no matter the decision I make it’s the wrong decision.

I hope that someone has been through something similar or can just tell me that I’m ok to feel the way I do.

Many thanks for taking the time to read this.

2

I’m so sorry for what you went through. It’s a really traumatic experience and at times it feels very lonely. My experience was very similar to yours, I didn’t get the care I needed so it dragged on until I was really at risk.

I know you will have heard this but only do what’s right for u. I went back to work immediately but the grief and shock caught up with me later. I really recommend the charity Cradle they offered me 3 free counselling sessions. I’m a year on and the sadness has passed but it still hits me sometimes,i feel angry at my body for letting me down so catastrophically. I hope there is light and peace for you and a healthy pregnancy round the corner xxx

3

Hi,

Sorry to hear you’ve been through this. I’ve been through this myself in November I had emergency surgery and lost my left tube at nearly 8 weeks. I still have good / bad days. I didn’t go back to work until end of January as I didn’t feel ready and even then I went back on reduced hours for a while. It still pains me everyday when I stop and think about what’s happened. Just take whatever time you feel you need. Sending lots of love xxx

4

Dear butterflypop,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Generally speaking, you should take it very easy for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.

With regards to returning to work, we normally suggest that after six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view, but many women need to take more time off to help them deal with the psychological (emotional) impact of the loss of their baby and the frightening experience they felt being diagnosed with and treated for an ectopic pregnancy. If you need further time off, please contact your GP surgery who will be able to provide a fit note.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with, so please be kind to yourself.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

5

Rebellioushope:
I’m so sorry for what you went through. It’s a really traumatic experience and at times it feels very lonely. My experience was very similar to yours, I didn’t get the care I needed so it dragged on until I was really at risk.

I know you will have heard this but only do what’s right for u. I went back to work immediately but the grief and shock caught up with me later. I really recommend the charity Cradle they offered me 3 free counselling sessions. I’m a year on and the sadness has passed but it still hits me sometimes,i feel angry at my body for letting me down so catastrophically. I hope there is light and peace for you and a healthy pregnancy round the corner xxx

Thank you for responding, I have so much anger inside about the way I was treated by my doctors when I knew something was wrong and that is taking the hardest part to get past as I keep thinking if they had listened to me earlier would I still be in this situation now.

Going back to work is such a hard decision, I know I’m not ready but feel pressured into going back.

But thank you, it gives me hope that one day it will get easier. Xx

6

Amy97:
Hi,

Sorry to hear you’ve been through this. I’ve been through this myself in November I had emergency surgery and lost my left tube at nearly 8 weeks. I still have good / bad days. I didn’t go back to work until end of January as I didn’t feel ready and even then I went back on reduced hours for a while. It still pains me everyday when I stop and think about what’s happened. Just take whatever time you feel you need. Sending lots of love xxx

Thank you for reaching out, it’s such a scary thing to understand and accept when it all happens so quick it takes time to digest. I feel I’ve only just mentally begun to understand what happened. However the pressure from people is making me feel like I need to go back to work, and I know I’m not ready it’s so hard to explain how I feel to people so they understand where I am coming from.

Thank you again xxx

7

EPT Host 20:
Dear butterflypop,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Generally speaking, you should take it very easy for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.

With regards to returning to work, we normally suggest that after six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view, but many women need to take more time off to help them deal with the psychological (emotional) impact of the loss of their baby and the frightening experience they felt being diagnosed with and treated for an ectopic pregnancy. If you need further time off, please contact your GP surgery who will be able to provide a fit note.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with, so please be kind to yourself.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

Dear Karen,

Thank you for responding and reassuring me that the way I am feeling is ok. I’m just so angry and upset about the situation, I feel if only my doctors had listened earlier things would have been different. It’s so hard to accept and move forward.

It’s reassuring to know that the way I am feeling is ok, and having good days and bad days is ok. One day I can have lots of energy and want to move around and do stuff the next day i can’t even get out of bed. Is this ok?

I’m currently in the process of getting another note from my doctors. I’m not ready to return to work, I’m a teacher and not physically or mentally ready to return yet. However people are making me feel guilty for not going to work, it’s so hard to explain to people how I feel.

Thank you again Karen for reassuring me that it’s ok to feel the way I am.

X

8

I empathise with you so strongly. I too had terrible treatment, I was left alone in A&E while I haemorrhaged for 12 hours and eventually needed a blood transfusion it was so bad. I felt so hurt like I was worthless and they didn’t care if they saved me and it was just luck that I survived. I’ve definitely come away from the anger now and now I try to feel proud of myself and grateful for surviving. The counsellor I had said it happened because I needed to learn something, I don’t totally agree with that but maybe that can offer some comfort. Sorry if this is preachy but another thing I was told is that ectopic pregnancies are the biggest killer of women in India because they don’t have the care we have. I try to see some gratitude through that as well. Peace will definitely come to you it just takes time and poor medical care is part of the trauma and shock you need to process x

9

I’m so sorry to hear about what you have been through. Going through a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and an emergency surgery can be a very traumatic experience both physically and mentally. It’s completely understandable that you may be experiencing physical pain, as well as emotional pain and confusion about how to move forward.

In terms of physical pain, one option that may provide relief is a pregnancy wedge pillow. Even though you have had an ectopic pregnancy, your body may still be experiencing some of the aches and pains associated with pregnancy. A pregnancy wedge pillow, like the [url removed per Trust policy], can help support your body and alleviate pressure on your hips and back, which may be causing discomfort. It’s also easy to use and can be positioned to provide targeted support exactly where you need it.

In terms of emotional pain, it’s important to take the time you need to heal and process what has happened. There is no “right” way to feel after going through something like this, and everyone’s journey to recovery is different. Don’t feel pressured to rush back to work or other obligations until you feel ready to do so. It’s okay to take the time you need to heal and focus on your well-being.

It’s also important to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional. You don’t have to go through this alone, and talking to someone about your feelings can be incredibly helpful. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.