Hello everyone, I had an ectopic pregnancy rupture 3 weeks ago now, I didn’t know I was pregnant until the last minute… For 5 to 6 weeks I was having funny pains and feelings in my tummy (very low down) I definitely didn’t think it was due to me being pregnant as I’ve alway had extremely weird periods since I first started… I am 30 now and have NEVER fallen pregnant so this was my very first time of ‘being pregnant’ ( as my periods come and go when ever, I never know when I am due to have one ) so for 5 to 6 weeks I was having pains and feeling a little under the weather then one morning I woke up early in alot of pain… i had no energy, I felt so weak, I was feeling sick and I literally couldnt hold myself up, my partner rushed me to hospital as I knew this just wasn’t right! Somthing must be happening! I collapsed in A&E and was taken in for tests and bloods, the nurse said ‘congratulations’ ur pregnant… a few moments later I had a sharp horrible and very painful pain in the top of my shoulder! I could hardly breath due to how very painful this was, on top of the pain I was having in my tummy! I was taken away to have a scan, then within 30 minutes I had gone from a congratulations, to you have internal bleeding due to an ectopic pregnancy, we need to do emergency surgery asap… I was scared, frightened, i didn’t know what was going on and what was happening to me, I woke up after surgery with 4 holes in my tummy! And was told that my left fallopian tube had ruptured and had to be removed, I’m so very heartbroken and sad, confused, and very emotional… I have so meny questions to ask but don’t know who to ask. My partner has been very surportive towards me but hasn’t shown any emotions about the baby we didn’t know about until last minute… 
I feel that I am alone and im having to deal with this on my own, I feel I can’t talk about this to my partner as he seems to be dealing with this just fine, I have bad thoughts about things now and I just feel like there is a cloud hanging over me, I was putting up with this pain for over a month and a half and because of that it cost me my left fallopian tube I feel sick thinking about how I must of been bleeding to death without knowing… I think could I have died in my sleep? and now it’s going to be even harder for me to be a mummy. And that is one of my biggest dreams to be a mum and feel the love you have for ur baby, the bond, the feeling of just being a mum to a tiny human! I’m heartbroken and I feel that it’s changed me… <3 xxx
Dear Tara86,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Anyone of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense. The feelings can be completely overwhelming but it is normal to feel this way.
We commonly hear from women who feel their partners do not feel the same about the loss of their baby. I know from personal experience that my partner was more concerned about losing me which used to upset me as my focus was obviously on the loss of our baby. Many men feel this way and I just don’t think many have the strong bond we feel at such an early stage in pregnancy, so they find it difficult to relate to our sense of loss.
I also found that although friends and family were well-meaning they didn’t truly understand how I felt. I felt very isolated after my ectopic pregnancy and I know this is echoed by many women who use this forum. Ectopic pregnancy is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
It is still very early days in your recovery and it is normal to feel low and tearful but I am concerned that you mention that you are having bad thoughts.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
We are here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
Thank u karen for replying…
I just wanted you to know that I’m not having bad thoughts about doing somthing silly to myself I’m just having bad thoughts thinking that could it have been somthing I had done? Or my diet? Or not being healthy enough? I’m so confused, I was actually a little over 2 and a half months pregnant but only started feeling poorly 5 to 6 weeks before this all happened, I keep thinking was the baby in pain come towards then end? I feel so sad that falling pregnant has only ever happened once for me, and now my chances of conceiving are even lower now! I will make an appointment to see my GP as I feel I could do with a little help to get through this, I just wish so much that things didn’t turn out this way, I’m going to right a letter to my partner just to explain how I’m feeling about things as I struggle to talk face to face I think that this may help me sound out how I’m actually feeling xx
Dear Tara86,
I honestly know how you feel, I searched and searched for answers as to why I experienced an ectopic pregnancy too. I never found that answer and I can say that from the bottom of my heart, there was nothing you could have done to prevent your loss.
Regarding pain, the NHS choices site states that the nervous system continues to develop week at 16, I found a study, slightly old, from 2006 that states the pathways to experience pain from nerves to the brain are very complex and these neuroanatomical system for pain can be considered complete by 26 weeks’ gestation. A baby between 8-12 weeks would not have felt pain as the nerve pathways are not yet developed. I hope this help ease your worries.
I am glad you are going to talk to your GP also,
Sending much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.