Grieving alone

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I got pregnant in September and bled for about 14days. After several scan attempts, I was told that I had a miscarriage because nothing could be seen aside little particles in my uterus. I was asked to get my uterus cleaned.

Late December, at dawn I experienced severe abdominal pain and I was rushed to the hospital only to be told I was still pregnant. The doctor was rude to me and said my diagnosis out loud without any explanations. I was transferred to the ER in another hospital and I was prepared for surgery. My right tube had ruptured and had to be removed.

It’s been 4 months and I haven’t recovered. I still feel broken and sad that I allowed myself to have sex with a guy who had already proved to me that he wasn’t good enough for me during our past relationship. He has been 5% supportive throughout the period and it breaks my heart so much because I’ve been going through this alone since I got pregnant. I can’t speak about it and I can’t vent. Bottling everything inside and healing alone is suffocating. I don’t know much about ectopic pregnancies aside the basic things I see on google and I don’t have anyone to ask questions. I bleed a lot on my first day and little to nothing on other days during my period and I don’t know if that’s a good sign or not

I’m glad I joined and I hope I find answers and support

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Dear Laks,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

I wanted to reach out and say that you are not alone, I also reached out to the Trust after my ectopic pregnancy. I found comfort in reading others posts as I didn’t feel so alone in how I was feeling. We will be here for you to answer questions and offer support so please lean on us for as long as you need.

Regarding your question about periods, your periods can take a while to get back to a rhythm that is more usual for you. I also found that my periods changed for a few months after my loss, this is normal.

It is still early days in your recovery and your feelings are normal, however if the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a an email helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever, we can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can discuss about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

I am not sure if you are in the UK but you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling, or access these independently. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Please do not blame yourself for the relationship you were in or for your ectopic pregnancy. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault. Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally.

You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and can understand how lonely it feels. These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, you have friends here and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team