Ectopic devastation

Hi all myself and partner have been planning to get pregnant since May. I found out i was pregnant on friday 15th sept my dads anniversary of his passing. I was ecstatic i have prayed about this pregnancy over and over and left it to God. Friday night i was bleeding and had major cramps i also had a seizure my partner called the ambulance. After hours of waiting in a+e i had a scan in the EPU and was told im having an ectopic and need emergency surgery i was bleeding internally due to a rupture etc. I had surgery and now im lost. Time is just moving on and im at a crossroad and dont know where to turn. I have so many questions with no answers. All i want to do is cry. I have to be strong for my 5 year old as shes aware mummys not well im so greatful for her but ive lost my other child and dont know what or how to feel. There is no words to explain the emotional pain im feeling. I thought let me try to write it down today because my partner keeps asking me whats wrong as ill have crying spouts every other hour and just reply ‘nothing’. I cant explain myself i dont even want to i just want to mourn and cry in peace. I feel like the people around me who know just look at me with pity now, im wondering does my other half blame me for whats happened. Will he look at me the same after this, i just dont know what to do or how to go on!

Paris x

Im so sorry for your loss.

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I concieved on our 1 yr wedding anniversary. Day i found out i started spotting. Then it turned into full on flow and i thought ok im having an early miscarriage. Bled through my birthday and few days later found out it was an ectopic. I was devastated.

I am now a month post methotrexate i didn’t have to have tube removed but mass is still there and dr said the tube may never function again.

With you having your tube out your hcg may Fall quicker and you guys can get back to baby making business. Statistics are on Your side when it comes to concieving again (within a yr).

I know how dark it is for you right now and that you have so many questions and how bad you want to know the future as far as concieving and you health go.

My advice is to let yourself cry and heal from this it takes time. Talk with your doctor. If you want to talk im here. Best of luck. Sending you hugs

@moretocome sorry for your loss also. So many different storys but we all have 1 thing in common. I will hopefully find a way through this as will you too.

Thankyou for replying to my post xxxx

Dear P_milan,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In these early days, your feelings are completely normal however, if overtime they continue or worsen you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

We are all here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x


If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.


Hi Karen thankyou for your detailed message i have re read it about 4 times its very comforting.

I find myself just crying at random moments of the day im definately going to try and call the number tomorrow when ive woken up.

Speaking to someone who can share my pain will hopefully help relieve some pain im feeling. Xxx

Hi there,

Just wanted to post as i related to your post a lot. I did not have surgery, i had methotrexate but like you, i found myself bursting into tears every hour or so and it was all a bit too much. My husband and i had been trying 8 months when i found i was pregnant in July. We are unable to try again until October 28th now.

It has been over a month since my hormone levels reached 0 (August 10th 2017) and i still cry randomly. I’m back at work but the little things set me off. Baby talk in the office sets me off, other colleagues having babies. All sorts. But give yourself a break, its still very raw and your emotions and hormones are bound to be all over the place.

Other people dont seem able to relate to how devastating this is, but i wanted you to know i have felt this way too. I hope things get better for you, but just allow yourself to grieve first. Im not sure there is any pain like the pain experienced during and after the loss of a child.

xxxxx

Hi there glad to know you are doing better and back to a work routine. I keep checking my work emails just to take my mind off things.

I hope all goes well for Oct 28th xoxoxo

Today I recieved two letters from the Midwives one for my 1st checkup 5th Oct and the 2nd was for 31st Oct for my 1st scan.

Absolutely devastated. Crying as I type, life is just not fair. Feel like im being punished for something. :frowning:

When im fit enough im going to go out and buy a pillar candle to take part in the babyloss awareness night Oct 15th at 7pm, do join if you can.

Xxx