Current ectopic pregnancy

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1

Hi all,

I found out I was pregnant 10 days ago. 6 days later, I started bleeding and believed I was miscarrying. 2 days after the bleeding started I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. I opted for expectant management. Between Tuesday and Thursday my hcg levels increased, so all I can do now is now is wait and see what happens when my bloods are next done.

I am absolutely overwhelmed with grief. I will be doing ok for a while and then seemingly out of nowhere, a big wave of grief comes over me and it hurts - really hurts - all over again. I am so sad I will not have the pregnancy I imagined. While I know I need this limbo bit to be over and for the pregnancy to be ‘resolved’, a part of me doesn’t want it to end because it just seems so final. Almost like i want to hand on to the pregnancy even though it isn’t viable (I know it needs to resolve for my health, too). I really don’t know what to do with all this grief or how I will ever stop feeling this sad. I am also really scared of trying to conceive again because of the huge fear of another loss, while the idea of not trying to again would be a loss in itself because I want a successful pregnancy.

My partner has been amazing. He is not experiencing the same grief that I am and is very ‘rational’ about what has happened (thats not to suggest that grieving is irrational). But he is with me whenever I need him and when I am sat in floods of tears he just sits with me and listens and holds me until the wave passes.

I don’t know what to do with this huge feeling of loss. How do people move on?

Thank you.

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Hi Autumn4,

I’m so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You are in the middle of a massive physical and emotional upheaval, and recovery from ectopic pregnancy will take time. Everyone’s path is unique to them and there is no set timeframe for emotional recovery. There are no “musts” or “shoulds” or deadlines. Grieve as you wish and cry, vent, release your emotions as you need.

I found that the first few months were the hardest, as I didn’t fully understand why it happened to me. Slowly, the darkest clouds lifted and I began to have some ok days and even some good days again sometimes. Recovery is not always a smooth path, however. With time though, I began to accept what had happened and, although we never forget, it is something that is a part of us that we learn to live with.

For me, I found that writing in a journal did help to process the many elements. I found myself recalling elements of the hospital and recovery, and I found myself thinking about the family and friends who reached out with support. It helped me to get the words out of my head, and to eventually share with my partner and close friends. This was important for me because my husband also grieved differently. He thought he was going to lose me, and focused his attention on my wellbeing. I didn’t see him as distraught over the pregnancy, though that was also happening. The journal helped to bring attention to all the feelings.

Your ectopic pregnancy is still resolving and it is still early days in your recovery. You know your body the best, and while the hcg levels are decreasing, it’s important to be mindful of your symptoms until you reach non-pregnant levels, under 5mIU/mL, as there is unfortunately still a chance of rupture. The symptoms of a deteriorating ectopic pregnancy, which include worsening or progressively increasing pain; vaginal bleeding; shortness of breath; feeling faint; and pain in the tip of the shoulder among others, may become noticeable. If you suffer any of these symptoms you will need to be reassessed. Your hospital would give you a number to contact for health advice if you feel that anything is changing, or you will have been told to report to the Accident and Emergency Department (A&E). If you have not been told what to do and need to speak to someone ring the hospital department which is treating you or the NHS 111 Service by dialling 111.

Please do allow yourself all the time and space that you need to heal and know that you have a supportive environment here for as long as you need. We are here for you any time. These boards are a safe environment to let off steam among people who have been there and understand. Please do continue to do so as often as you wish.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

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Thank you Michele, I really appreciate your reply. It’s really helpful to feel understood.

This morning I have woken up without the deep, searing sadness that has hit me upon waking for the previous 4 days, but instead feeling extremely angry and agitated. I don’t know what to do with anger and I don’t know who or what exactly it is directed at. With sadness, crying eventually provides some relief. But with anger I do not know what to do.

I also feel so frustrated about having to wait and unknown amount of time before trying to conceive again.

Physically, I can feel a strong low down, pressing-downwards feeling which is new (its been other types of cramps and pains until now).