Upset and lonely

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Hi all

This is my first time posting on here but I feel quiet low today.

I had an ectopic on the 30 July 2017. This was my first pregnancy and it was planned. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and decided we would try for a child.

I stopped my contraceptive on the 1 June and found out I was pregnant on Thursday 26 July so fortunately we weren’t trying for long.

I had, had what I thought was a period so didn’t expect to be pregnant but I tested and it was positive. We were unsure this was correct and wanted a doctor to confirm.

However on the Saturday I had pains and Sunday i attended A&E where i was told i had an ectopic and I had emergency surgery to remove my left fallopian tube.

I got a little upset a few days after the operation but I have been fine and I am now nearly 5 weeks after the procedure. I feel really emotional at the moment I feel lonely and like no one understands.

I have been through a range of emotions feeling sad at what we have lost when it’s what we both wanted angry that it happened and having to go through a procedure and then guilt as I wasn’t trying for long and I know there are people who have been through worse. I have blamed myself and i feel frustrated that it’s just ‘one of those things’ I would prefer there to have been a reason.

I am just really struggling at the moment my husband is fantastic but it’s hard not having any one I know to talk to who has been through this.

Apologise for the long post.

Amy

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Hi Amy

I read your post and just wanted to reply to let you know that you are not alone.

My story is I had a miscarriage earlier this year and most recently an ectopic, so I totally understand how you are feeling.

Your emotions will be all over the place but that’s okay. I have good days and bad and think i will do for a long time to come. It’s such a huge ordeal to go through an ectopic pregnancy and you have to take time to grieve and recover. I can feel okay and then out of the blue I’ll be hit by waves of emotion and I’m a mess again.

Please do not blame yourself. I know this is easier said than done, trust me I know! And I also know exactly what you mean by you would rather have a reason. It’s very hard to accept when the midwife/doctor says that it’s just one of those things or that you were just unlucky. When you are going through it, that is of no consolation.

But please do be reassured that you are not alone and you are not to feel bad for feeling how you are feeling.

Helen x

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Thank you Helen. I am sorry for your losses.

It’s nice to speak to people who have been through it and understand. I have days I feel fine and then just out of the blue I am emotional I know it’s still early days.

Wishing you all the best for the future. X

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Dear Amy,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, please never apologise for posts, we are all here for you.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

Please be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve to heal both physically and emotionally, we are here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

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