Hi all,
I’m Lisa, me and my partner had been trying for a baby for 2years and 3months when I finally fell pregnant. We were over the moon. Unfortunately 2 weeks after we found out I sufferered an ovarian eptopic pregnancy. I was rushed into hospital and had massive internal bleeding. I lost 2.5litres of blood by the time they were done with me and ended up in intensive care. This was 2 weeks ago. To start with I was so ill that I don’t think it had really sunk in. However now I’m an emotional wreck. My partner is being great but is finding it hard to be upset about loosing our baby as he was more concerned that he nearly lost me. Obviously he does care but he just keeps saying that I’m his priority. I’m just so sad all the time and I know it’s early days but I just don’t feel like anyone understands how I’m feeling. I feel like everyone thinks I should just be grateful to still be alive(which obviously I am) and that no one seems bothered that I lost my baby. I was already upset that it was taking us so long to get pregnant and then to have it taken away so quickly is just cruel. Iv never been apart of groups or forums before but thought it may help to talk to people who understand what I’m going through.
Hi Lisajay,
You’re not alone. I’m currently in hospital being treated for my ectopic. Like you, we had been trying for almost two years when I found out I was pregnant. We were over the moon, but soon pains in my side had us in a & e, and then the epc with a diagnosis of EP.
And, I completely understand the feeling of loss being overshadowed by everyone thinking you should be grateful to be alive. I’ll admit that these last few days I have wished I said nothing about the pain because a part of me would rather have died than to feel the pain of this loss. There’s the physical pain I’m going through but it’s nothing compared to the emotional pain of the loss. I’ve even been annoyed by “get well soon” messages I’ve had - I know people mean well, but this is not about getting well for me, this is about having lost my very very very much longer for baby.
I know others in the trust will agree with everything you’ve said. Call the helpline - the people on the other end are brilliant, and it’s just so comforting to talk to someone else do has Bern through this.
I’m so sorry for your loss - please do not feel alone, you’re never alone here xx
Dear Lisa,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
I too found that although friends and family were well-meaning they didn’t truly understand how I was feeling or the grief I was experiencing. I felt very isolated and like you I reached out to the Trust for support and found comfort realising that my feelings were normal and I was not alone. We will be here for you for as long as you need.
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
Sending warm hugs and much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
Thank you both. I’m finding it really hard. But it’s nice to know that other people out there understand how I’m feeling. Not that’s it’s nice other people are going through this as I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but you know what I mean.
Had a rough few days. Very pregnant sister in law keeps visiting me. She means well but it’s tough. She also tells me she doesn’t want to keep talking about it as I need some normal. I don’t want to feel normal. Iv just lost my baby.
Anyway, I’ll keep putting on a brave face for the sake of everyone else. This forum is a nice little place to come when I want to talk about it.
Lisa
X
Hi,
My name is Natasha, 6 weeks ago i suffered an Ectopic after trying for a baby for 4 years. I was waiting for my monthly to arrive so i could start my IVF injections but it never came. I discovered i was pregnant… we were in this lovely happy bubble for a week then i was sent for an early scan due to complications in the past. They found the ectopic, i was very surprised, i didn’t feel unwell at all. next minute i know, i’m being taken to theatre & had foetus and my right tube removed. I was very lucky to go in when i did as i started to rupture as he went in. I never thought i was be so up and down as i am, i feel so angry towards others. why me?? what did i do wrong? why them and not me?? my husband has been amazing but they dont fully understand the pain your going through. In the week of knowing i was pregnant, i’d already scanned the catalogues and in my head i had chosen my pram and baby clothes etc, to then have it all cruelly taken away.
Today i did a 10k walk for this trust with 19 other friends/family. i felt, like i needed to do something positive, this subject isn’t spoken about enough, After going through it I’ve had so many people come forward telling me their stories. We are not alone xx
I am very lucky that i have been told i can still start the IVF, which starts end of next month. I start to see a Councillor next week which i think will help me. I wish you all the best of luck xx