feeling lost

Main Board
1

Hi,

I have never posted here before, but I am just feeling so lost and alone I feel as though this may help…Im not sure how, I guess just looking for some comfort.

Im 20, I never thought about having kids and I knew I was far from being ready. After being in intense pain for about 2 days, I took a pregnancy test, it was positive and given the pain I was in I knew something was wrong so I went straight to the emergency room. Its been 3 months since I had my surgery and had my left fallopian tube removed. I was a wreck throughout the entire experience, but i kept telling myself that I would be fine, I didnt want kids and I was so young and I would be able to move on and get past it. Since that day I still have trouble sleeping every night, i have to force myself to eat, I feel so numb and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I dont even know how to put in to words the way I feel everyday. Im just confused, I didnt want a baby, i knew i was pregnant for only 1 hour before I found out what was really going on, yet I still feel as though I have completely lost a part of myself. i feel like no one understands and i cant talk to anyone. I guess I am hoping that in writing here is that I will find some way to heal, to stop hating myself for not being able to prevent this, to help me understand how i feel this broken despite not being the slightest bit ready for motherhood. I cry myself to sleep too many nights now. I want to feel less confused about all of this, less angry and less alone

2

Dear EPUWO,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment reduction in fertility concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. It doesn’t make the whole process any easier just because a baby wasn’t planned and your feelings are completely normal.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work, reduction in appetite. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. If you are in the UK, We have information on our website about finding counselling services. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

3

Big hugs to you don’t be hard on yourself you found out you was pregnant then it was taken away again that’s a lot of emotions to deal with you coming to terms with 2 lots of emotions here I get the not sleeping at night etc mood swings ( deffo having a mood swing day today ) I’ve only just joined this group this is my 3rd pregnancy that has been lost my first my daughter was still born second miscarriage and now ectopic it never gets any easier you learn to deal with emotions but I can say hand on heart 6 years on I can’t say to a single person I am over it because I never will get over it you learn to live again and laugh and the days will be very bumpy but we are here for you anytime night or day