Lost

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1

Not sure if it’s just me but I have an incredible feeling of being lost and alone since my surgery a year ago. I want to scream. Shout out that “ I’m still suffering”. Just because I’m showing no symptoms it doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. To be honest I’m terrified. Right around my surgery I lost more than just my child and my left tube; I lost a family member, a family friend, the father left me and I lost my dignity and the secret of being pregnant. I lost all trust in men and am now terrified of ever becoming pregnant again but also not being able to have children. This teamed up with my BDD has made it all very hard to compute what I’m supposed to do to sleep easily at night? It’s as if I’m walking but with nowhere to go and no end in sight. Sometimes it feels like people don’t expect me to so attached to this because I never gave birth. As if I’m not worthy of these feelings but I have them and they won’t go. I spent a year mourning and really trying to look forward and move on.

Does anyone else feel so lost?

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I can sympathise with the feeling of loss.

Please be assured it is still a loss even if the baby was carried but never delivered, I am in the same situation and I have said this to people who respond as though the loss should of subsided by now.

You are not alone and we are all here for you.

3

Dear Liv21,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Thank you so much for having the courage to talk about how you feel and contacting the Trust. I too suffered in silence following my ectopic pregnancy. It took me two years to be honest and face my feelings and like you, I reached out to the Trust. I found comfort in reading other people’s posts. People understood how I felt and I didn’t feel so alone. I was also advised that although my feelings, like yours were completely normal, hanging onto those feelings does not help us recover. I went for counselling as advised, and in time learnt that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

4

I relate so much. Sending you :heart: Don’t give up. Please be patient and gentle with yourself. You’ve been through so much and you deserve so much love.