Dear Jlea91,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
Thank you so much for contacting the Trust, I know just how you feel but it took me 2 years before I had the courage to contact the trust to share how I was feeling, how sad I was feeling.
The feelings you describe are very understandable as you have had so much to process. The ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. Many women also experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Experiencing some pain after an ectopic pregnancy is normal as your body has been through a great deal over the last few months. The pain may be due to adhesions (scar tissue that binds two parts of the body together) which form and take some time to settle. Your body may be preparing to ovulate and many women experience ovulation pain when they did not before their ectopic pregnancy - including myself. You also may have a heightened perception because of the sad loss that you have had to go through. If the pain persists, I suggest keeping a pain diary noting when the pain appears, the intensity on a scale of 0-10 and anything that helps the pain eg resting, hot water bottle, paracetamol etc. Visiting your doctors with this information helps them to assess how best to manage your symptoms.
You mention that you have had counselling that you didn’t find helpful. Sometimes we do not ‘click’ with a counsellor and that really can hinder the process. I too went for counselling, the most important support I received was the realisation that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
We at the Trust do believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, if you wish, you can ask to see a GP again, at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Above all be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
We will all be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.