Hi, I’ve never really used one of these forums but I thought I would give it a go as I am feeling a bit lost.
On Thursday morning I found out that my pregnancy was ectopic and I was rushed in for emergency surgery the same day . My babies heart was still beating. It was perfectly formed in its sac but just in the wrong place. They had to remove half of my right tube and block the rest off. There was blood in my abdomen and blood clots everywhere, apparently another 12 hours and I may not have survived.
A few months before I had an early miscarriage and whilst it was upsetting I didn’t feel the sadness that I am feeling now. I just can’t stop crying. I’m ok when I’m with people but when I am alone the tears just fall. I just keep having this vision of this foetus (the doctors showed me a picture) clinging to me and it breaks my heart that I had to kill it.
I have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful and understanding husband. My mum has been amazing too. But I just can’t seem to snap out of this. I just feel completely empty and it’s horrible.
I have started bleeding heavily now which hurts just like a horrid period even though I know it’s not my actual period. My hormones are probably all over the place which isn’t helping. I know that time will ease the pain and it’s early days. I just didn’t expect to feel like this.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It’s just awful isn’t it. Glad you can share how you feel here.
I had a similar situation where baby was fully alive with heart beating. We saw the wee soul on the scan and its heart breaking to know you have to say goodbye to that life. I’m currently 3 weeks post op.
My physical healing is really improving but only since this weekend but emotionally I’m still heartbroken.
The bleeding is really painful and heavy at times. I found it was also like a really bad period. It does ease and go though so try and rest as much as you can ( easier said than done when you have other kids. I have a near 4 year old)
Just try and take a day at a time if you can. That’s all I seem to do. Much love xxxx
Thank you for your lovely reply. I am sorry to hear about your loss too. It makes me feel better to know that these feelings are normal.
Know one can really understand unless they have gone through this horrible ordeal themselves. I’m feeling slightly stronger today. For some reason I just expected to pick the pieces up and move on. From reading everyone’s posts I now know it’s going to take some time and that’s normal. Xxx
I had my caesarean scar ectopic ended after four doses of methotrexate with surgery on 1 February. I have two beautiful children at home and a wonderfully supportive husband but holy moly it’s hard to not feel completely empty and lost and hopeless.
It’s the single worst thing that’s happened to me. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.
I’ve still not returned to work but I’ve started to accept coffee dates with a few friends etc and being out and about briefly (even if it is in stretchy pants and no makeup feeling rubbish) is good for the soul.
Take it easy on yourself. It’s awful. People keeping on saying it will get better and I have no doubt in my mind it will, but it’s ok for it to be really awful right now.
Big hug xxx
Yes time is what is needed. Its so hard though. I almost feel like I’m in a bubble atm. Everyone handing in food, not working, people helping with childcare… But now I’m getting better that’s stopping. It’s a natural thing, everyone is moving on, life is moving on, but I don’t want to leave the bubble. I almost feel guilty about moving on and not wanting to forget. I know I won’t forget but it just feels like the world should stop till I’m ready… Guess this is a natural part of the grief process. Xxxx
Thank you ladies for chatting with me. I am so sorry for both of your losses xxxx This is such a lonely existence. Yesterday was a good day, I felt stronger. Today is turning out to be not so good. I tried to get to sleep without taking morphine but it didn’t go so well. I think I had been relying on it to send me to sleep! A picture came up on Facebook of my youngest when he was 1, and just looking at his little nappy breaks my heart. I am so sad at what could have been. I am worried that this was my last chance at having another baby and I don’t feel ready to say goodbye to the baby years yet. I am nearly 38! The doctors said that having one tube doesn’t really effect your chances of conceiving again, but I kind of don’t believe him. What are your thoughts? Also I have read on here of women having 2 or 3 ectopics which is just sole destroying and heart goes out to anyone that has had to experience this.
What are your thoughts on trying again? Xxx