Feel very lost šŸ˜¢

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1

Hi

I am just recovering from my 3rd baby loss, 2nd ectopic. This ectopic had to be removed surgically along with my left tube.

This all happened in the middle of lockdown so I had to go thru it alone at hospital.

I know itā€™s still fairly new but I know Iā€™m also not coping.

Iā€™m not a very open, talkative person about this stuff so struggle to let family, friends & my hubby no but Iā€™m really trying when they ask. It just seems so exhausting, itā€™s tiring trying hard to be more open on top of how I feel.

I want to scream to stop the world spinning but hate that I feel like that & hate that I feel so selfish.

Previous to my 3rd loss my hubby & I had been referred for fertility treatment but that was put on hold thru covid & now weā€™re dealing with a longer wait list.

During this ectopic they tried methotrexate 1st so I also have that in me for 3 months which adds to any delay. I canā€™t imagine myself wanting to TTC again, I feel like Iā€™ve been thru so much pain, I cudnt take anymore but I also feel so numb I cud prob sleep walk thru everything.

I keep telling myself I shud see the signs to stop & this isnā€™t for me but Iā€™m 36 running out of time for IVF & donā€™t want to b childless.

If you havenā€™t gathered already I just feel torn about everything I feel, I also feel the opposite to everything I feel all at the same time. Iā€™m drained, done in & completely lost in myself.

Iā€™ve joined this forum to hopefully get things out somewhere & talk to ppl who have been/are going thru this. I donā€™t actually no anyone who has. Xx

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Dear Sanwars2206,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. To experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your bodyā€™s signals and pain and feeling tired are your bodyā€™s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. I recognise having to go into hospital alone must have been extremely distressing for you and again, I am sorry you have had to go through this.

Although your feelings are completely normal at this stage of recovery, if you feel the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and thereā€™s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. Weā€™ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for ā€œtalking therapiesā€ or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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I canā€™t imagine having to go through this during the middle of the mess the world is in. Please know that you are not alone and everything youā€™re feeling is so valid. Give yourself time to process, heal, and think. Itā€™s hard to not feel the pressure to press on and try again; but, you need to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Sending lots of love,

C

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I just wanted to say that I hear you and youā€™re not alone. I went through ectopic surgery a few weeks ago, after having a previous missed miscarriage and a struggle to conceive both times. Iā€™ve also been referred to fertility but itā€™s now on hold due to covid, so when I got pregnant again on my own (after things got paused) I was amazed but also very anxious. I too had to go for the scan (at about 8 weeks due to bleeding) where they discovered the ectopic without my partner, and got rushed to surgery without even being able to see him beforehand.

Thereā€™s nothing much to say except that itā€™s a really crappy situation and it really, really sucks. I donā€™t have any advice really but wanted to comment as you sound really down. Look after yourself and I hope you start to feel better soon!

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Hi Rosie88

Thank you for your comments.

So sorry to hear uve been thru the same - I also conceived whilst waiting for our app to fertility centre. I thought it was one of those things where I had beat fate but sadly not :cry:

I hope youā€™re ok aswell - itā€™s really comforting to know someone else has been thru this at the same time x

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Dear Sanwars,

I am so sorry to read your post and hear youā€™ve had multiple miscarriages.

It seems some good advice has been given in replies already but I wanted to comment, just to say how much it helps me to hear other women have been through this. Iā€™m new here today, and had to go through surgery during the Corona crisis. I was allowed to see my boyfriend just before surgery for an hour though, and his hug never meant so much! This global situation is traumatic enough, without ectopic pregnancies as well.

I hope you are able to be kind to yourself.

Warm wishes for a smooth and quick recovery xx

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Hi Lillora

Sorry youā€™ve also been through this during this time.

I think itā€™s hard to focus on yourself when you have people couped up & going through so many issues with this virus as it is - everything else seems bigger.

Hope you are doing ok - have no idea how to move on from this 3rd loss & itā€™s so weird not having any follow up or closure from the hospital/docs but I know that from the others youā€™re just left to get on with it :woman_shrugging:t4:

Makes me uneasy how the nurses/docs talk about trying again when your losing the current one - itā€™s the furthest thing from your mind yet they seem to say it often!

Take care x