Lost in my emotions post salpingectomy

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Good morning everyone, my first post on this board.

Sorry for long post, maybe a bit triggering as it’s my experience of finding out I had an ectopic.

So I have two healthy children and found myself unexpectedly pregnant 10days ago whilst changing between contraceptives. We decided for a number of reasons it was not the right time to have another baby in our family and had an appt this Friday coming for a medical termination. I was devastated we were going through with this but had made our decision.

Go back to last week, all was well, went to bed on Wednesday night and woke up at 4am in agony. Constant lower abdominal pin particularly on right side, in to back and hip. I vomited, opened bowels, had pain in my bum. I was sweating, high heart rate etc. I was in the lucky position I could contact an obstetrician/gynae doctor as I am a midwife, so I called into work 40mins after paracetamol asking what to do as was crying in agony still. So took myself to A&E at 5.30am and was seen really quickly, and admitted to a ward to wait for scanning to open. By this point had had codeine aswel and pain had reduced. Had a scan at 10.15 by which point pain had ramped up again. Went to do the TVS and the pin was excruciating. I had an ectopic pregnancy and a uterus full of blood. It all moved so so quickly at that point, moved to another room to consent for surgery, called partner, had more bloods taken, another cannula, prep’d then taken back to ward to wait for an hour before going to theatre.

Woke up in recovery a couple of hours later, took a bit longer as had adhesions from gall bladder surgery. Luckily bleeding had settled once they got in but the ectopic had partially ruptured. Had a salpingectomy and according to consultant, all went wel. I got stuck in recovery for 7hrs due to my observations being out of normal range but sorted itself out and got to ward at 11pm, had an okay night, saw second consultant next morning and discharged home at lunch time.

So here I am, 4days on and I’m crying a lot. Crying because I lost a baby, but how can I dare have these emotions when I was having a MTOP? Is this punishment? I’ve lost a tube, part of myself, my fertility. I was so scared on Thursday. It was so so quick, I had no time to breathe or think. Then before I know it I’m out at home again.

I’m just not coping. Somewhere between needing normality again, needing work again (won’t be back for at least two weeks), and life expecting me to be normal again when it’s not. Am I traumatised? I don’t know. I feel like I kept saying ‘I’m fine’ because I thought I was, I thought I had to be, but I’m not. I’m far from it.

Physically I feel exhausted and achey, but pain is fine. It’s in my head. I’m so so lost :pensive:

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Hi there, I saw your post & just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I personally found it really comforting to know that there were/are women who had gone through the same thing as I had.

Please don’t be hard on yourself and look after yourself. It is a traumatic experience no matter the circumstances of the pregnancy. Give yourself the time to recover, feel the emotions when they come and just look after yourself.

I was also confused & felt all over the place when it all unfolded so quickly. I unravelled how I felt by breaking it into smaller chunks. Surgery in general is traumatic, add on that it’s emergency, with a % loss of fertility & a pregnancy, with pregnancy hormones to deal with too!

One of the weirdest things for me was how it wasn’t just surgery. (I say that with a pinch of salt, I know that surgery is not something to wish for!) What I’m trying to articulate is that there is a huge amount of emotions rapped up in this ectopic surgery.

I personally have found it really helpful to open up to close friends and tell them what happened. Explaining what I went through made it less scary and less lonely.

Some days I felt ok, other days I felt all the emotions & just rolled with it - take the time to cry it out (it helped me!). Now I feel ok most of the time, some days it catches me (if I see or hear of someone announcing a pregnancy, etc)

I had my surgery in early April and they also removed the tube. It was my first & a very wanted pregnancy.

Taking time off work was also a godsend for me (although I was able to take it easy, I understand that may not be possible with 2 children already).

Be kind to yourself, take it easy and do everything to look after yourself. We women are amazing.

Take care xx

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Dear lost_in_emotions,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

You have every right to grieve the loss of your baby, no matter the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy, and you have also had the shock of a traumatic event to deal with.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

When we experience a traumatic event, it can take up to three months to start processing it, so please be kind and do not rush your feelings.

You mention that you are a midwife and starting back at work may also trigger emotions too, so please speak to your GP if you need additional time off to deal with the emotional impact of your ectopic pregnancy.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

There is no timeframe for recovery, please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,

We will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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Hi lost_in_emotions & Chm1234

I am the same.

I am so wrapped up in my own emotions/head I have no space for anyone else not even my husband.

Chm1234 u said u had ur ectopic in April, I did too during Covid no visitors etc. It was my 2nd ectopic but 3rd loss & I had my tube removed as a result. Although I’ve lost twice b4 & dealt with ectopic b4 this time it had broken me, I can’t move pass it, I can’t move on & I can’t let go.

U sound a lot better than me & just wondered what’s helped? Have u done anything’s specifically? It’s very hard so little medical support or follow up I find.

Lost_in_emotions what u feel is normal the whirlwind in how it’s happened is a lot to deal with & while u we’re not going ahead with pregnancy u don’t no u wudnt have also felt loss if u had been able to so don’t beat urself up. U have been thru this situation regardless of previous choices & it’s a hard & emotional circumstance. Take each day as it comes & do what’s best for u, listen to ur body & emotions.

Xx

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Hi,

I just want to say I’ve been in a similar position. We have two healthy children and I turn 40 next year. 3 weeks ago I discovered I was pregnant on the coil…my instant reaction was that I didn’t want anymore children and my husband was the same. Two days later I was in EPU as I got pregnant with the coil they had to scan me. They couldn’t locate the pregnancy so had to go in a few days later. This time it was apparent it was an ectopic pregnancy. I was given my first shot of Methotrexate but 7 days later hormone levels were still rising.

I was given my second shot last Tuesday but by the Thursday evening I was in a lot of pain so went to A&E…I ended up having surgery on the Friday night and they removed my left tube.

Since then I’ve been feeling all sorts of emotions too so totally understand how you’re feeling. Despite not wanting anymore children I feel that the choice was taken out of my hands…what makes it a bit harder is that my best friend is 12 weeks with her 3rd which was unplanned also.

Just wanted you to know that what you’re feeling is normal and it’s all part of the grieving process.

Hope you’re feeling a bit better. Sending hugs