I'm finding this all a bit traumatic

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1

Hi there,

I’m new here and have never used a forum before but feel like I just need a bit of support/reassurance.

Following abdominal pain two weeks ago the GP told me I was pregnant (didn’t know but we had been trying). A trip to A&E was followed by scans and bloods and a diagnosis of Pregnancy in Unknown Location. A week later the EP could be seen in the scans and I was put on watchful waiting as blood levels indicated it may resolve naturally. It didn’t and after a very painful night I took myself back to hospital where surgery was recommended. I ended up with a laparoscopic salpingectomy with left tube removed which was in the process of rupture when the surgeon went in.

I feel like it was all so quick from diagnosis to surgery and while I’m grateful it was caught and could have been a while lot worse and that I’m no longer in danger I feel very traumatised by the whole thing, especially now the physical pain is easing and I’ve got more headspace to think more than just ouch. I suffer with anxiety anyway and feel so vulnerable along with the upset. I found the whole experience of surgery and being in hospital very distressing and this mixed with the tiredness and emotions had left me quite tearful. I’m also having nightmares which I guess is a way of processing. It’s only 6 days since surgery so I know I need to be kind to myself.

I guess what I am hoping for is reassurance that what in feeling is normal, how long it took people to physically get over the surgery and good coping techniques. I also have the task of having to go back to the Early Pregnancy Ward to consent to what happens with the remains which has really knocked me for six. Given how early it was If sort of assumed it would just be ‘dealt with’ (4.4 weeks and measured at 2.5cm in tube). I don’t even know what the options are.

Any help / thoughts gratefully received.

Thanks xx

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Dear GLVS,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, from your own words I can imagine it was a frightening experience and I’m sorry you have had to go through this.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

There are several guidelines for medical professionals to follow regarding the sensitive treatment of your baby. As a result, many hospitals have adopted arrangements with local crematoria for the sensitive disposal but they are guidelines, and procedures vary from hospital to hospital. Please be aware that medical terminology like “foetal remains” may be used which some readers may find upsetting:

We recommend that for local information about your hospital, you contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) department and ask what the hospital policy is on the sensitive disposal of foetal remains.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Thanks Karen. That’s all given me comfort. The pain from surgery is much improved and while emotionally I’m still very up and down I’m trying to just go with it. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Thanks again

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I can totally relate. I think every one has different ways of coping with this. I think talking seems to be the best thing for me at the moment. I feel as though my heart is breaking every second of every day.

I did not have any typical ectopic symptoms and contacted 111 because I was spotting. I wasn’t in pain, but was sent for checks anyway. I was initially to!d i was !either discarding or ectopic and sent for an emergency internal. I was also told at this time i was closer to 8 weeks gone (as opposed to my initial 4-5 week guess).

I had an internal done and was told that everything was fine and my baby was in the right place. I was hooked for a scan two days later.

Two days passed and I awoke with more bleeding. I contacted the hospital in a panic and was advised to wait until late afternoon for my scan!

Unfortunately, the scan showed that i was ectopic and I had emergency surgery the fo!lowing day. I have now lost my right tube and am back home. In a !of it pain.

I feel as though if I had tears left I would still be crying.

Even though I thought I was In my 4-5 weeks along, my tiny bump was growing so I ordered myself some nice maternity wear, which is now arriving.

I literally can’t explain the emptiness i feel. Ta!king to others seems to be offering some comfort as does reading success stories.

If you want someone to talk to feel free to message me.

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Hi ladies,

I feel like I am reading my own thoughts when I see your stories. My ectopic was detected and removed on 22.01.19. My right tube had ruptured and had to be removed. Nearly 3 weeks on my sense of purpose is somewhat screwed up. Having been off work for some time now and then struck down with a nasty cold after only 1 day back I have had far too much time to sit and think about everything. I too have a history of anxiety and depression. Worry after worry pop into my head. In the days just after I got home from hospital I felt more positive than I do now. The thoughts of what could have been mixed in with the fear of what could go wrong the next time, if there ever is a next time, are overtaking my mind. Trying to keep my cold contained and not being able to drive yet is also a recipe for loneliness. My partner is still being supportive but he’s not wallowing in it like I am which makes me feel like a failure. I don’t know why I have this sense that I should be getting over it and moving on. Trying to be kind to myself and tell myself it’s early days. I feel like a useless woman.

Thank goodness for this forum. I really need somewhere to vent without judgement. X

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Ubijubi:
Hi ladies,

I feel like I am reading my own thoughts when I see your stories. My ectopic was detected and removed on 22.01.19. My right tube had ruptured and had to be removed. Nearly 3 weeks on my sense of purpose is somewhat screwed up. Having been off work for some time now and then struck down with a nasty cold after only 1 day back I have had far too much time to sit and think about everything. I too have a history of anxiety and depression. Worry after worry pop into my head. In the days just after I got home from hospital I felt more positive than I do now. The thoughts of what could have been mixed in with the fear of what could go wrong the next time, if there ever is a next time, are overtaking my mind. Trying to keep my cold contained and not being able to drive yet is also a recipe for loneliness. My partner is still being supportive but he’s not wallowing in it like I am which makes me feel like a failure. I don’t know why I have this sense that I should be getting over it and moving on. Trying to be kind to myself and tell myself it’s early days. I feel like a useless woman.

Thank goodness for this forum. I really need somewhere to vent without judgement. X

Hey lovely,

I am so sorry to hear this but am glad you are finding this forum as supportive as I am. I too have a history of anxiety and depression (this time last year I had hardly left my bed for almost a month, let alone he house!). I am terrified that this is going to trigger me into a downward spiral again.

It has only been 5 days since my surgery, so I am still very up and down and in a lot of pain. My partner too is very suppportve, but I think it musst be hard for them to try and understand what we are going through.

You are not a failure, you have suffered a traumatic event, you have lost a child as well as realising your own mortality in the process, I havent quite registered the life threatening side yet.

Be kind to yourself, the best thing I have found so far is crafts. I love arts and crafts and I ask my partner to help bring my boxes to bed before he goes o work in the morning so I can distract myself.

If you need anyone to vent to, you are welcome to send me a message (if you can on this forum). Sending you loving/healing thoughts

xx

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Hello ladies,

I was reading all the posts on this thread and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I had a ruptured ectopic in June 2016, I’d only been married for 3 months and what felt like an amazing fairytale all came crashing down. I had emergency surgery and my left tube removed. Everything happened so quickly and there was no time to process it all. I had no idea at the time how serious it was and all the “what ifs” really bothered me afterwards.

I struggled with anxiety and depression in the weeks and months that followed. I remember crying at my front door not wanting to leave the house in case anyone saw me as I just felt like everyone knew what had happened. I spent days crying and struggled to understand my emotions.

My husband was really supportive at first but he was also grieving in his own way. It put distance between us for a while which was really hard.

I started seeing a counsellor about 8 months after my ectopic and it really helped me to talk about things. It was a good way to process what happened and talking with someone who wasn’t emotionally involved did help me. I also kept a diary and wrote about how I felt.

It might not feel very helpful right now but time does ease the pain and things will become easier.

I fell pregnant again in October 2017 and now have an 8 month old baby boy. We tried for a year to get pregnant and I was beginning to lose hope but our little ray of sunshine came along.

Please just be kind to yourselves. Stress and depression takes such a huge toll on the body and mind but things can and will get better.

Sending lots of love to you all.

Megan x