I had my left tube removed Tuesday after a very difficult weekend in and out of hospital for scans and blood tests before they decided what treatment I needed. I was 6 weeks pregnant and had IVF. There was no heartbeat which somehow has felt such a relief for us as feels less immediate a loss.
My main feelings are of relief that I am ok and that it’s over. I’m struggling to feel anything else, feel quite numb about the pregnancy loss. I’ve been fine seeing my pregnant mates and new borns. I feel almost dismissive of the sympathy about the pregnancy loss although I know I should be sad about it as we want a baby so much. It’s strange as the feelings feel so separate from what I feel now. I feel like I will recover quick and be fine but somewhere inside I’m worried it won’t be like that and I might suddenly struggle and be very very sad. My overriding feelings now though as I say are relief and love for my partner who’s amazing.
I must say it’s been helpful hearing other people’s stories and the variety of people’s feelings and experiences so thank you.
I’m so sorry all you have been through. My heart goes out to you, and I know how difficult emotions can feel during these times. You have been through so much in such a short period of time. I know it can feel hard to feel those very sad emotions, but I want you to know its very normal and completely right that you may be feeling this way. You can be happy to see friends and their families, and still be grieving for your own loss. You can be grateful for your partner and still feel sad for what has happened.
There is no set timeframe or set way to move through our emotions after an ectopic pregnancy. You may find that journalling or talking therapies are helpful to processing your feelings. It gives us a way to get our thoughts out of our heads and to process everything going on. Please know that you are not alone in how you feel. These boards are full of women and men who have been through ectopic pregnancy. We are here for you any time and for as long as you need.
With good wishes,
Michele
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
You’re not alone. I feel relieved bc it felt by the end of a 6 week management for ectopic at home that I was fighting to have hcg low. It was an unplanned pregnancy and only 2 days before bleeding began which was initially treated as miscarriage. I didn’t have a scan / heartbeat. All the way through I could coo people’s kids in cafes etc and went back to work and cuddled kids as part of my family work with their parents. That bit hasn’t hit per se. What’s been more unexpected is the utter emotional shock that has come through following discharge… tearfulness, latent broodiness even though I’m not in a financial place or relationship place for a baby, and high anxiety, low motivation for other stuff.
But this came after absolute RELIEF that I came away with my health, bc it felt like a battle. You don’t have to deal with this in a textbook way. I hear you
I was exactly the same after emergency surgery due to it rupturing, relief it was over, but then once everyone had stopped visiting and things got back to ‘normal’ whatever that is i started thinking if i hadnt mentioned the pain i’d had when i went for my last blood test (i’d had methatrexate) a month after the hell started i could have gone home and collapsed and no-one wouldve known (i live on my own) and every pain i get now sends me in to panic and i have flash backs .
Again this baby wasnt planned and the whole experience has scared the hell out of me but every now and again i wonder what if … . Im 40 in feb, only got my left tube and got a 7cm fibroid so chances of having a baby are extremely slim. Im 4 months post op this week and im still up and down so please dont think you are on your own or what your feeling isnt right … you will go through every emotion going, but i found coming on here helps as there are other people feeling the same as you.
Im going to see if i can get some support or counselling as i left the hospital with no offer of help at all and just feel abandoned