All the emotions

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1

Hi,

I had surgery a week ago for an ectopic pregnancy, where they also removed my left fallopian tube. Everything happened so quickly that I feel I haven’t had time to process the loss of our baby, until yesterday when I cried a lot.

I had no symptoms that my pregnancy was ectopic. We went for a private early reassurance scan a few days before due to our last pregnancy ending in an early miscarriage. At the scan they weren’t able to see anything in my uterus so referred us to the early pregnancy unit for another scan. There they identified a mass on my left fallopian tube. I had to have surgery due to the raised level of my HCG and during the surgery they did find blood in my tube, so it was lucky we had the scan.

I am just finding it so difficult to process our loss. I was devastated when they told us at the scan but following the surgery my mind seemed to focus on the physical symptoms and I felt numb to the emotional side. Now I am physically feeling better, I am feeling so upset.

I know I shouldn’t but I feel guilty that it is my fault there was something wrong with my tube and that’s why our baby couldn’t travel down. This loss feels a lot different to process to our previous miscarriage.

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Hi Vmck

I am so sorry to hear about both your losses.

Like yourself, I had a ruptured left fallopian tube. Similarly I found it really difficult to process it all and I just wanted to shut myself away in my own bubble. One thing I found really useful was to write down a bit of reflection on events and the different feelings/emotions I was going through (we had been trying to conceive for a long time so such a rollercoaster of emotions). It really did help clear my mind a bit. I also spoke to someone via the support line and it was really helpful to speak to someone who had been through similar events.

Take things day by day and don’t put any pressure on yourself. Let out your emotions and be kind to yourself. I’m nearly 5 weeks post op and although I still have a cry most days, I am managing it better and being able to do more day to day things again.

Take care x

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Hi Star89

Thank you for responding. I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Thank you for advice on things you have found helpful on your journey following your loss. It is nice to talk with someone who has been in a similar situation.

Take Care X

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Hi Vmck,

I feel its very human to feel all the emotions you’re going through. When my mum got ill and died I felt so much guilt for something that I had no control over. I felt the same when I had my ectopic, which was traumatic, I had the methotrexate injection but I bled and intermittently contracted for 12 long weeks. It was physically the worst thing ever. Like I was being punished, like my body was betraying me, I lost trust in my body. So just know you are not alone. It really is a day by day, focus on other positive things,…you never get over it, but I think time lessens the shock and raw feelings.

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Dear vmk,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal putting them together is immense, and your feelings are completely normal.

An ectopic pregnancy can be a very traumatic experience and it can take up to 3 months to even begin to process events such as these.

Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally,

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

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