Emotions all over the place

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Hi there,

Unfortunately I had surgery after finding out I had an ectopic pregnancy, this was on the 19th Feb. I had been unwell for awhile and I had to go back to the EPU for bloods, they took one look at me and scanned internally to which they found the fetus outside of my womb but it had also ruptured my tube. It all went crazy from that moment, I don’t think I even had chance to process or cry. My partner cried a lot I think he was more scared after reading up about ectopic.

We had been trying for a while after I had a miscarriage last July, it was unexpected as for years I have been told I was infertile due to having blocked tubes. It’s been an absolute whirlwind of trauma and my emotions are all over the place. I am still recovering physically and ended up back in hospital on the Friday needing IV fluids due to low Blood Pressure.

I feel really lost and uncertain of how to think or feel, when I feel so low I also feel bad and worry my partner will get fed up with me for being this way. I can’t help but feel I’ve killed our baby, this time round feels so much more traumatic and I just feel guilty so much.

I would really like to hear back from someone that could maybe just make me feel even a little bit better. X

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Dear Jade,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss and miscarriage. Experiencing one loss is difficult, dealing with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs,

Karen x

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I am so sorry that you’re going through this. I’ve had lots of similar thoughts and worries but I really encourage you to keep talking to your partner. Often we make these things bigger in our own heads and project our own thoughts onto others, and when you then talk it through you realise they aren’t thinking those things at all. We’ve suffered with infertility for a few years and it’s been tough with failed IVF cycles, miscarriage and now an ectopic pregnancy loss, but we try to keep talking through our feelings, and times where we’ve struggled it because I’ve shut down to my husband and everyone. I try hard not to do that now.

Wishing you an easier time ahead and time to process your loss together.