Hey all,
Haven’t been on for a while but felt I needed to today. I suffered my eptopic in February. It was a tough time as I ruptured, had internal bleeding and was intensive care. I felt like no body cared that I had just lost my baby as I kept being told how lucky I was to be alive. I did get this and I did feel lucky but I didn’t help take away the pain. Anyway fast forward to the last few weeks. My sister in law was due to give birth last fri, so it has been a constant week of waiting for her baby. I have felt really excited for her but it’s also been really hard.
She had her baby today and I’m due to go round tonight to see her. I’m so worried I’m going to take one look at the baby and just break. Iv held it in all day and put on my excited voice to friends and family but I’m dreading it.
Of course I’m so pleased for her and my brother and I know I’m going to love my new little niece so much. They also have an 18month old and he’s my best friend I just can’t help but feel sad. Me and my partner have been trying for nearly 3 years and in that time they have had 2 babies.
Suppose I just felt today like I needed to write down how I was feeling and hopefully hear from someone who understands. My friends and family never talk about what happened and if I try to they change the subject.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Must pull myself together now.
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
It’s so very natural to experience emotions related to ectopic pregnancy beyond the original incident. I have found in the years past my ectopic, even while life returns to a normal cadence, the emotions still bubble up.
It is natural to feel longing for your own child when you see other babies, and it certainly is difficult to deal with the emotions that it stirs up. It’s very normal to feel a mix of emotions with other people’s news; being happy for others, but still grieving for your own loss. A new baby is a very stark reminder of what could have been. It’s incredibly important to look after yourself and take your time.
Sadly, all bound by this devastating experience and no matter what our circumstances, we can lean on each other. I can say in my experience, it took a while for me to share what had happened - and who to share it with. I found that writing my changing feelings in a journal helped me to process them. When the time was right, I started sharing with my husband, then sister, then friends, and so on.
We are here for you any time. These boards are a safe environment to let off steam among people who have been there and understand. Please do continue to do so for as often as you wish.
With good wishes,
Michele
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