Don't know how I feel..

I had an Ectopic pregnancy a week ago, would never of imagined it would happen to me. Not sure how i’m feeling right now, I have no motivation what so ever to do anything, I’m scared of never being able to conceive again.

On the Sunday, I started having pains and felt like I constantly needed the toilet, could not stop being sick. I thought maybe it was a urine infection, did not think it would be anything serious. I felt loads better on the Monday but my partner made me go to the doctors, they thought it was a water infection but referred me for a scan at the epau. The EPAU seen me straight away, took bloods and scanned me, the pregnancy was found in my right ruptured tube and I was prepared for surgery straight away as my stomach was filling with blood.

During the operation keyhole surgery was tried in 3 different places but due to scar tissue, I was opened up on my right side.

The surgeon said my left tube was clear and fine, so I should be able to conceive again.

Since the operation I feel lost and like I’m less of a woman because of losing one of my tubes, I’m struggling with recovery also due to not being able to do much and also suffering from aches and pains still.

I was given no information as to why this happened or no follow up, just told to take pain killers and retake a pregnancy test a week later, which I’ve done and is positive still.

My partner is struggling as well and cannot get his head around why it has happened. I’m trying not to show how I’m feeling to him as I feel like I’m just complaining and making him worse. I feel like I’m hiding behind a fake smile but dying inside.

Hiya,

Firstly to say I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I completely understand how you feel.

I also had my right tube removed on Friday overnight. I was 5 weeks and 3 days and had been thinking something was wrong for around 2 days. The whole thing was a nightmare from start to finish. My GP fobbed me off when I saw her on Thursday and put it down to a water infection. She even encouraged me to go on holiday to turkey on Saturday, despite me saying over and over again that I was really concerned about going as I thought it could be ectopic. She wouldn’t refer to me to the epu, saying they wouldn’t do anything and told me to come back in a week for another blood test after my holiday.

The next day I felt even worse. No one would listen to me, the epu wouldn’t see me without a referral and the Gp surgery never got back to me. In the end I paid for a private scan. They didn’t really want to see me as said I was too early, but I begged them and as my hormone levels were high enough the agreed as they said they should be able to tell if it was in my uterus. It wasn’t and by this point I could barely walk due to the pain, so I knew it was ectopic.

I’m experiencing such a mix of emotions. I feel so glad to be alive and that I didn’t get on the plane. I genuinely think it may have been a much graver outcome if I had have got on it. However, I’m so sad about losing my baby and so worried about whether I’ll be able to conceive again and if I do whether it’ll happen again.

I also feel so horribly guilty as this was a result of a split condom and so my partner and I did decide to use levonelle the next day as the timing wasn’t great. I used that to stop myself getting pregnant at all. The minute we realised it hadn’t worked we were so happy and this baby was very much loved and wanted. I can’t help but feel maybe this happened because of the pill and I wish to god I hadn’t taken it. Or maybe it would have happened anyway, which means it could well happen again. Either way makes me feel so horrible and guilty.

My partner is amazing and so positive. I’m struggling to feel his positivity though and just feel so scared, sad and worried. I’ve just started to bleed as well which is good as my body obviously knows it’s no longer pregnant, but so heartbreaking at the same time.

This is honestly the worse thing that has ever happened to me. I keep thinking why us, I feel like I’ll never get over it.

I’m hoping that talking to others in the same situation will help x

Dear Ic197397,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Following ectopic pregnancy, it can take a few weeks for hCG levels to fall to non pregnant levels, which may explain your positive pregnancy test. I would suggest repeating it in a week.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason, and for many of us, no reason can be found and therefore almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.

Regarding future fertility, the chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

Generally, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

Sadly, it is not possible to stop an ectopic pregnancy from happening. Importantly, help is available with future pregnancies with an early scan at around six weeks gestation to check that the embryo is in the right place. We are here too for emotional support, as and when you need us.

As a gentle reminder, we and many medical professionals advise waiting at least two menstrual cycles before trying to conceive again. Please note that the first bleed after an ectopic pregnancy, is not classed as a period - it is the body’s response to falling hormone levels as you are sadly no longer pregnant and shedding of the uterine lining that had build up which involves bleeding. This “wait” is to allow your cycles to resume and have a last menstrual period date from which to date a new pregnancy - important information for checking for ectopic pregnancy in the future. It also allows time for your emotions to surface and be worked through after your ordeal.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

I would suggest being more open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling as this may help your healing. We have a very heartfelt post from a man’s perspective on the Men’s Space board and it maybe worth you both reading it to see if it reflects how he feels too.

We are all hear for you. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

Much love,

Karen x


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