Dear Ic197397,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
Following ectopic pregnancy, it can take a few weeks for hCG levels to fall to non pregnant levels, which may explain your positive pregnancy test. I would suggest repeating it in a week.
I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason, and for many of us, no reason can be found and therefore almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.
Regarding future fertility, the chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
Generally, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.
Sadly, it is not possible to stop an ectopic pregnancy from happening. Importantly, help is available with future pregnancies with an early scan at around six weeks gestation to check that the embryo is in the right place. We are here too for emotional support, as and when you need us.
As a gentle reminder, we and many medical professionals advise waiting at least two menstrual cycles before trying to conceive again. Please note that the first bleed after an ectopic pregnancy, is not classed as a period - it is the body’s response to falling hormone levels as you are sadly no longer pregnant and shedding of the uterine lining that had build up which involves bleeding. This “wait” is to allow your cycles to resume and have a last menstrual period date from which to date a new pregnancy - important information for checking for ectopic pregnancy in the future. It also allows time for your emotions to surface and be worked through after your ordeal.
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
I would suggest being more open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling as this may help your healing. We have a very heartfelt post from a man’s perspective on the Men’s Space board and it maybe worth you both reading it to see if it reflects how he feels too.
We are all hear for you. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.
Much love,
Karen x
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