No partner. Doing it alone.

Main Board
1

It was in February of this year that i had an ectopic pregnancy which ended my right fallopian tube been removed in surgery.

As with most of our experiences it was a build up at 2 weeks of not knowing. Miscarriage? Blood tests, expected management, injection, emotions, covid restrictions.

But I did all this with no partner. He had left me. I felt butchered and abandoned. We had been arguing before this and he had alot going on and his way to deal with it was to avoid it and ignore me.

I did it all without him and his support.

I was utterly devastated. As much my family and friends were great. I really needed him. Of course. To hold me. Take me for a walk. Tell me it will be okay and we can try again.

I am 38, always wanted children and thought id met the man i was going to do it with. So much so that when we did speak afterwards I thought we could get back together. But, to cut a long story short it hasnt worked out. Because basically he just couldnt cope with what he had done and didnt want to hear about it.

But i obviously needed to share this horrendous journey i had been on too. But for months and months it didn’t happen.

I can’t believe i let it go on for so long tbh. I think he is a narcissist. I just had hope. But we haven’t spoken for 4 weeks now. And now i know the time as come to address my trauma, the ectopic pregnancy. I was so shocked by his behaviour and trying for us to understsnd each other, waiting for us to be okay that i haven’t addressed the loss, grief and what happened to my body. And this and asking for a call back is my first step.

Knowing i didnt have that partner during was horrendous. But equally is knowing I dont have him/another to try again with. My future unlikely.

So now, im nearly 39, no love/partner to do it again with. Heart broken and just completely, completely lost!

I dont know how anyone can repsond to this to be honest but im glad i have written to someone.

Thankyou.

2

Joannamcewan1:
It was in February of this year that i had an ectopic pregnancy which ended my right fallopian tube been removed in surgery.

As with most of our experiences it was a build up at 2 weeks of not knowing. Miscarriage? Blood tests, expected management, injection, emotions, covid restrictions.

But I did all this with no partner. He had left me. I felt butchered and abandoned. We had been arguing before this and he had alot going on and his way to deal with it was to avoid it and ignore me.

I did it all without him and his support.

I was utterly devastated. As much my family and friends were great. I really needed him. Of course. To hold me. Take me for a walk. Tell me it will be okay and we can try again.

I am 38, always wanted children and thought id met the man i was going to do it with. So much so that when we did speak afterwards I thought we could get back together. But, to cut a long story short it hasnt worked out. Because basically he just couldnt cope with what he had done and didnt want to hear about it.

But i obviously needed to share this horrendous journey i had been on too. But for months and months it didn’t happen.

I can’t believe i let it go on for so long tbh. I just had hope. Because he didn’t know how bad it was, what i went through. But we haven’t spoken for 4 weeks now. And now i know the time as come to address my trauma, the ectopic pregnancy. I was so shocked by his behaviour and trying for us to understsnd each other, waiting for us to be okay that i haven’t addressed the loss, grief and what happened to my body. And this and asking for a call back is my first step.

Knowing i didnt have that partner during was horrendous. But equally is knowing I dont have him/another to try again with. My future unlikely.

So now, im nearly 39, no love/partner to do it again with. Heart broken and just completely, completely lost!

I dont know how anyone can repsond to this to be honest but im glad i have written to someone.

Thankyou.

3

Dear Joanna,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, from your own words, I can tell its been such a difficult time for you and I’m sorry that you have had to go through this.

You have had a lot on your plate and I certainly agree that I think it’s time you concentrate on yourself.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team