Relationship after Ectopic

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1

I had an ectopic pregnancy 9 months ago. After initially being instructed to have emergency surgery-I ended up under observation in hospital for 5 days, then after that did expectant management & resolved naturally. It took about 8 weeks and afterwards there was still a mass left in the tube. However, several weeks later after lots of healthy living I had a scan and the tubes were all clear. Great news! I was delighted and managed to deal with it without too much heartache.

I was ready to start trying again. However my partner wasn’t on board (we became pregnant unplanned). I agreed to give him some time (his issues weren’t to do with the experience specifically) but our sex life went on the decline since and it became evident he would be very careful not to conceive.

I’ve found this so debilitating and the emotions I feel around ovulation, knowing I can’t even try, are gut wrenching. Whilst he said he would go for it with me, physically it’s not happening at all, no matter how much I try and I feel it’s created some kind of mental block. I have finally said I can’t go on like this and need to work out if we have a future anymore (I’m 37 so time not on my side). All of this has made the grief of the ectopic emerge and I feel so depressed at the situation-like that may have been my only chance.

He has agreed to go to counselling so we will try but it made me wonder what effect the ectopic had on him? He is terrible at opening up, so wondering if anyone else had similar experiences?

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Dear pammy3,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and of the difficult time you are going through.

Has your partner opened up about why he doesn’t want to fall pregnant again? I know when I had my ectopic pregnancy, my partner was really worried about my health and wellbeing. We had never heard of ectopic pregnancy before and whilst I was admitted to hospital as an emergency, he was busy searching the internet about ectopic pregnancy and later mentioned how worried he was about loosing me after reading about it being life threatening.

We do have some very good posts on the Men’s Space board, where partners have written about their experiences. If he is open to it, perhaps reading them together may give him the strength or knowledge to put into words how he feels.

I am glad you have both agreed to attend counselling as this may also help him open up.

For you, many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

3

That’s so kind and helpful, thank you.

This site is so valuable, I’ve referred to it constantly as I’m sure many have, so thank you for creating this space. I have donated

x

4

Hi Pammy,

I can relate as my ex partner was also hard to reach emotionally and that led to us splitting up which was devastating.