Experience

Men's Space
1

Good morning,

My partner and I are currently going through the process of an ectopic pregnancy. She had the injection on Thursday, it was our first pregnancy, baby was 9 weeks old, planned pregnancy and going through the process is difficult.

It is today we are both feeling very emotional, I’ve cried everyday since, wishing I could take the pain away and sometimes I just feel I need to cry. We are 30 and 31 and for a first pregnancy it really hits home, we are trying to be optimistic for the future, but taking everyday as it comes. I in particular am very emotional around the subject but feel I need to be the support.

I apologise I’m waffling on, it’s only been a few days but feel I need to seek out support.

Thank you to anybody listening

Ashley Hopkins

2

Dear Ashley,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and you and your partner’s feelings are completely normal.

I understand how it must be difficult for you to feel you must be strong for your partner, but we hear from many women who feel that their partners do not understand how they feel about the loss of the baby, so as you are grieving also, I would advise that you talk openly and share your feelings together.

Continue to be optimistic about the future, as the chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially help partner’s understand that it wasn’t their fault.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

3

Thank you for your kind words, staying optimistic is definitely the key. We are two weeks in now, by that I mean two weeks from medical intervention.

We are doing better emotionally and my partners physical symptoms appeared to have improved greatly which is good news. Hormone levels have dropped and we find out tomorrow what they are currently at.

It was the initial shock of it all, we sort of knew something would be wrong from physical signs but it was reality of hearing it. Despite knowing something could potentially be wrong still doesn’t prepare you emotionally :frowning:

We are so strong together and I’ve supported her as much as possible which she is grateful for, I just still have these moments which sadness hits and few very emotional. It’s the fact I am still trying to remain strong and positive but sometimes it still gets the better of me.

For now it is waiting, I know there is a large period of time to wait to ensure the women’s body has recovered physically and from the injection (methotrexate), I just want the best for her and us and hopefully we can have a successful pregnancy in the future.

Is there a rough figure of how common ectopic pregnancies are? I’ve read up a few bits but not really a definitive answer.

Thank you for your support :slight_smile: x

4

Dear Ashley,

Recovery from ectopic pregnancy can take time, there is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future.

We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.

In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you both know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

As a gentle reminder, following Methotrexate, you should wait until hCG levels have fallen to below 5mIU/mL (your doctor will advise you when this is through blood tests) and then take a folic acid supplement for 12 weeks before trying to conceive. This is because the Methotrexate may have reduced the level of folate in your partner’s body which is needed to ensure a baby develops healthily. The Methotrexate is metabolised quickly but it can affect the quality of cells, including those of your partners eggs and the quality of her blood for up to three months after it has been given. The medicine can also affect the way her liver works and so she needs to give her body time to recover properly before a new pregnancy is considered. A shortage of folate could result in a greater chance of a baby having a neural tube defect such as hare lip, cleft palate, or even spina bifida or other NT defects. This is why the “wait” and then taking folic acid for 12 weeks before trying to conceive is so important.

Sending much love to you both,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

5

Dear Ashley,

My experience is very similar to what you have posted. We were 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant when we first saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound. Within an hour of this, my wife went into emergency surgery and both the baby and her right tube had been removed. She is now healthy and recovering from surgery but I think I’m still in shock that we had a healthy baby but now it’s gone.

We knew our numbers were low from the start but had been optimistic that the specialist was simply a day or two off on their implantation projection. When the hcg levels continued to raise past 3,000, and without any precurses, the dr was confident it wasn’t ectopic but didn’t see the sac in the uterus on the ultrasound. It was at this point that we expected a miscarriage. Waiting for that miserable day to come, we went in for a follow up exam that lead to possibly the worst day of my life. Fast forward to seeing the heartbeat and have it taken away so quickly.

Now, I don’t know how to feel. It’s been 3 days and I still find myself crying spuratically or just wanting to be alone. Has the pain of the loss gotten easier? I don’t expect it to go away. I just keep seeing the heartbeat and thinking about how it could have been a healthy baby if only it made its way into the uterus.

My wife and I are 32 and are optimistic about the future but I can’t move forward like this never happened. When she is able, we will try again. We are both very logical people and I’m not even mad about anything because I know the dr saved my wife’s life and everything turned out as best as the situation could allow. I just continue to feel this Great Sadness that I don’t anticipate will go away any time soon.

Thanks for sharing your story Ashley. It’s nice to hear that it can get better with time.

From Texas,

Sara G.

6

Dear Sara,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our or our partners fault.

Many women and couples experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

7

Thank you for your kind words. I have noticed myself having an uncharacteristically short temper with everyone. Even my mother in law, who flew in immediately after surgery last week to help out.

This whole experience is causing me to have emotions I’ve heard of others having or seen in movies but I’ve never had the misfortune of feeling.

While I know there is no clock on this and nobody can say how long this deep ache will last, it is nice to know we’re not alone and to have someone to share these thoughts.

Thanks Karen.

Sara