Relationship breakdown

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Hello everyone,

I have just recently split from my partner of 6 years. 2 years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy which I nearly died from as had emergency surgery to save my life. Whilst dealing with the trauma of losing both my baby and my life, my relationship has sadly not survived. I felt at the time he did not support me because he is quite a closed down person emotionally. I think I felt abandoned as i was living away overseas at the time so did not have the support of my family and friends. I felt he hardly spent any time with me in hospital and then when I was back at home he chose to go work away at this job which he could of put off but chose to do whilst i was still at home recovering. To say I felt abandoned was an understatement. When it was the 1st year anniversary I mentioned how I felt it was important to honor the day and he said that I need to stop dwelling on it and move on. I do understand that men deal with things differently but it felt to me that he has just distanced himself from me and won’t talk about it. I think with the trauma of it all I have been depressed and the final straw was that we split as I felt very isolated and unsupported. It makes me feel very sad that I have lost both a baby and my relationship but sometimes I suppose things like this can either bring a couple closer together or rip them apart.

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Dear Jo72,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and of the difficult time you are going through.

I think many of us can feel isolated following ectopic pregnancy and when we do not have support from our partners this can compound our feelings of isolation. I am sorry your relationship did not survive this testing time, my heart goes out to you that you have had to go through this, and mostly alone as you were living abroad.

Even though I had support from family and friends, I don’t think they truly understood how I felt and many expected me to just get over it quickly too. Ten years on, I still honour my baby on the day of our loss, if this is something you wish to do, please do whatever you need to to help your heart heal.

You mentioned you felt depressed, this can be quite common following a loss and understandable given everything you have been through. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

You have friends here who understand and we will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Hello Karen,

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply and for your advice and concern it is much appreciated x