unwanted ectopic pregnancy: shock and heartbreak

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Hi everyone,

I notice that most of the stories here are about women who were trying to have children in the first place. It’s been 6 months now since I had surgery for my unplanned ectopic pregnancy and it’s been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. To add to the pain, my partner and I broke up soon after my surgery. He was reluctant to be in a committed relationship from the start (and we had only dated for 4 months) and this pregnancy scared him even more. I stopped talking to him because he often mentioned that he didn’t want the pregnancy to be an “excuse” to pull us into a (what would have become a long distance) relationship. All I wanted was to be loved by him, to feel like I mattered to him after nearly dying because of something we both played an equal part in. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to take on the healing process without him, but that is what I have had to do. I haven’t spoken to him for 4 months now and I still miss him deeply. I’m doing much better physically, generally feel beautiful and strong and more connected to my friends and family. I’m proud of being able to gently care for myself through this period. But my work has suffered, I’m struggling with bouts of depression and anxiety, and I feel like I have so many unresolved emotions that I can’t seem to work through with my friends or family. I am unable to let go and move on. Any advice for me?

love

Cosmo

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Poor you… I just had an ectopic pregnancy that i didn’t know i was pregnant with until this happened

I too am at a lost my partner and i had hit a bad patch before the day i went into hospital too much of a long story i love him dearly and we have a child together but at present i cant help but feel that the stress of what happened before hand hasn’t helped this situation im tiered of being tiered but my head is going round in circles asking to many questions that not eveny partner can answer when i ask him.

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Dear cosmo,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future and the breakdown of a relationship. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.