It’s been so long..Help!

Hi, I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy 5 years ago almost to the day. I almost died and had to be revived 3 times in surgery after losing so much blood. I had no symptoms and collapsed due to blood filling my lungs internally. Thankfully someone found me and after emergency surgery… I pulled through.

I have mental health conditions anyway(bipolar, emotional intensity disorder) but no one has seemed to help me since this happened. All the professionals say is that my reaction is perfectly normal and I will come to terms with it… but 5 years on and it’s affecting my marriage so badly and my ability to “move on”.

My husband is generally the kindest man you will ever meet, but he just can’t understand. He was so worried it would happen again he took over and got himself a vasectomy so I can’t even try again. I do have 2 older children from my first marriage… but I am broken hearted and feel so empty. Only just found this site today… I just don’t know what to do??? I feel I want to shout it from the rooftops to everyone about how bad I feel and how awful an ectopic is… but I also want to feel better but don’t know how to claw my way back to normal…any suggestions would be so appreciated xx

Dear Emjay1812,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Thank you so much for having the courage to talk about how you feel and contacting the Trust. I too suffered in silence following my ectopic pregnancy. It took me two years to be honest and face my feelings and like you, I reached out to the Trust. I found comfort in reading other people’s posts. People understood how I felt and I didn’t feel so alone. I was also advised that although my feelings, like yours were completely normal, hanging onto those feelings does not help us recover. I went for counselling as advised, and in time learnt that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x


If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.