New to forum, need advice on recovery

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Hello all,

I just found this forum today because I am extremely depressed and exhausted. I have not fully processed my grief. I just googled “ectopic pregnancy recovery” and found this website.

About me: I have been TTC with my husband for eight years. In 2017, I experienced my one and only pregnancy, which was discovered to be ectopic, and attached to my left ovary. I was told this was a rare occurrence. Why me? After all those years of hoping and trying to get pregnant, the only time I have ever been pregnant this rare, unfair, terrible thing happened. I felt like I deserved this somehow, that I was not worthy to become a mother since I had such a turbulent upbringing (alcoholic parents), and I felt I was being punished somehow. I was early enough along in my pregnancy that I was treated by a methotrexate shot twice and no surgery required. But even two years later I am still grieving intensely. My mental health decline was steep and sudden and I have never really recovered emotionally. It has impacted my work life, my family relationships, and my friendships. I am lonely and desperately sad all of the time. I feel as though my hope has died and my life is over. It will never get better, I will never move forward. What can I do to heal? How do you cope?

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I am so sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to message so you know you are not alone. I don’t have any answers on recovery - it’s been just over a month since my surgery and I also had a miscarriage in January and I’ve felt totally broken. I understand the fears about the future and the feelings that I don’t deserve a child. But this is not your fault. Have you tried any counselling? I’ve not yet but am on a waitlist and hoping that will provide a space to speak about some of the feelings and get some support. I know others seem to have found it helpful. Take care xxx

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Dear Rosalie117,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When I read posts like yours, it brings back so many vivid memories as I too struggled following my ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t cope very well and struggled with emotions for 2 years before contacting the Trust.

I found comfort in reading others posts. I didn’t feel so alone in how I was feeling. I was also advised to try counselling, which I did. Following this, I understood that although I would never forget my pregnancy or baby, I learnt to accept what had happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t my fault.

Experiencing ectopic pregnancy can be very isolating. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

You also mention that you feel as though your hope has died and your life is over. If you ever feel really down and low, the Samaritans helpline is available 24/7 also https://www.samaritans.org/

Also, if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months. As you have been trying for over a year, I would think it worthwhile speaking to your doctors who can look into any appropriate tests for you and your partner and investigate further.

We really are here for you, and please do not hesitate to speak to your doctor about possible counselling, it really helped me.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team