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Hi Everyone,

My name is Lindsay, i recently had my first ectopic pregnancy, and i am finding it hard to deal with if i’m honest…

It’s coming up to a month now where i have stopped going to the hospital to have my hcg levels checked…

From the moment they told me that my baby was ectopic, my world felt like it was slowly crashing down… they said there was so much internal bleeding in my uterus that they felt as though my body would dispose of the baby all by it’s self so left me for 48hours and then sent me back into hospital to be checked again… my whole experience with the hospital was horrible, to the point where a midwife told me that i had no right to be upset as my baby was never a baby in the first place and was only just a sac, nothing worth getting upset over she said. I was a heartbroken mess, from the moment the pregnancy test came back as a positive, it was my baby… and for 8 weeks until i got rushed into hospital… i sang to my baby… i talked to my baby… and i made huge plans for my baby…

I am lucky in the respect that i have my son who is nearly 6 and i didn’t have to have my tube removed with the ectopic…

However, i stupidly told everyone about my pregnancy, never in a million years thinking that something like this would happen to me, although i knew there is always a chance… but both myself and my husband was that excited that he told my son he was finally going to be a big brother that he had been asking for for quite a while…

The day i came home from that scan… i felt so empty inside… so broken… not one person took the time to tell me exactly what was going to happen or how my body was going to respond… i spent every 48 hours waiting for the next lot of tests, in silence staring into space as i felt like no one cared… there was no empathy nor sympathy from professionals…

But i suppose they see it day in and day out so its just their job to them…

My husband just worked and worked to keep busy… my son was asking what was happening and why was i so sad… and trying to explain was so hard… to those that knew about my pregnancy i felt such a fool, as i was so excited…and i should of just held it all inside but it was so difficult…

Once people knew what had happened, nobody really knew what to say, and those you talk to about it merely say well this stuff happens… and i know it does but why me? What have i done?

I thought i would be ok going to work painting my smile on and being distracted, and i feel i’ve managed and coped really well… but inside i’m crumbling, each person who tells me they are expecting, i feel many emotions, i’m happy for them but i’m also angry… angry that my pregnancy isn’t happening anymore and that i can’t share all of those wonderful moments that i had planned to…

I’m scared… that i am going to become obsessed with trying hard to concieve again… and scared that i’m going to feel all this darkness and emptiness all over again…

But mainly i am sad… because nobody is willing to talk to me about it anymore… i’m expected to get over it… and as much as i want to try and move on and put it to the back of my mind i can’t because i’m truly not ready too… i want my baby… and i just wizh i could turn back the clock…

Sorry but had to get it out

Thanks for your time

Lindsay x

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Reading this was like reading my own words x your are not alone , I completely understand how you feel about the hospital I wasn’t treated with much empathy either and it would hbe been nice to just have someone who seemed to care. I’ve also just gone back to work so I’m painting a smile on aswell, again also told everyone ! I just keep praying to the universe for the greatest good for all with regards to conceiving again x it’s put a huge stress on my relationship with my partner and I feel like my body’ let me down ya know x we are always here to listen and vent to x sending love

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Dear Lindsay,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and for the lack of support you have received.

Please do not think about what that midwife said to you, you have lost a baby and you are grieving.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. Although well meaning, my friends and family didn’t truly understand how I felt either and like you, I was expected to get ‘over it’ quite quickly. Because of this, many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Above all, be kind to yourself allow time to grieve to heal both physically and emotionally. Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

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