Experienced our first ectopic on Sunday and I feel like nobody understands.
We’ve been trying for several months now and finally thought we’d had some luck.
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Tuesday I began to have a little bleeding and figured it was implantation bleeding as was quite excited!
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Thursday we tested positive!!YAY!!! But there was still bleeding. The excitement over took the worry.
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Saturday the backache and bleeding were just to much. I went to the hospital that evening. Ultrasounds and blood work weren’t looking good and i was admitted.
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sunday more blood work was done. Doctor came back and told me she really thinks it’s an ectopic pregnancy or I was having a miscarriage. Either way, this was not a viable pregagncy.
Right then my heart shattered I suddenly felt so empty. That last bit of hope I had been clinging to was ripped from me.
I was then taken in for surgery where it was discovered the pregagncy was in my left tube and I was bleeding internally. The tube was removed.
My husband has been great at taking care of me physically but I feel like he has no clue what I’m going through emotionally. I feel like nobody does. “It was only the size of a poppyseed” “better sooner rather than later” “you still have a shot at another baby” “how are you feeling are you sore” and the repeated question of " what’s wrong why are you crying/sad"
None of that matters I was still pregnant I was expecting to have this healthy little life inside me. I was about to be a mother again. Yes I’m sore but my heart hurts the most. Why are so few people aware of the emotional pain that follows this loss?
Dear Melenie,
It’s heartbreaking to hear that you have suffered an ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have been through both a physical and emotional trauma, and these are still very early days. It’s extremely important to look after yourself right now.
People can be very well-meaning with their comments, but sadly, if they have not experienced an ectopic pregnancy it can be difficult for them to understand the particular pain you are in. For me, the emotions and thoughts came in waves, and I found that journaling was a helpful way to record my feelings so that eventually I was able to express my pain to others. Counseling and talking therapies are a valuable way to process the experience as well.
Please be patient with yourself and give yourself the time to heal. Take all the time you need. There is no set time for which to move through these emotions, and every woman and couple go through at their own pace. Everyone here has unfortunately been through this experience. Please know that these boards are a safe space for you, and we are here whenever and as long as you need.
With good wishes,
Michele
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So sorry that you are going through this! I’m a month out from being diagnosed, and I totally understand how you’re feeling. I got lots of support the first couple days surrounding my diagnosis, but then it faded away, including from my husband. It can be a very lonely and isolating experience!
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have found it very difficult as an ectopic is its own type of situation and people don’t understand. They don’t know what to say. I feel that as I already have a child and it was picked up really early, people aren’t interested but seek support where you can, speak to people who have been through an ectopic and know that you are strong xx
Hi Melanie
How are you feeling now? I just had surgery yesterday and my left tube was removed. It’s so tough all the emotions. I don’t know if I am coming or going. I am trying to stay positive now and look to the future and ttc again. But when I think of the little life I lost my heart breaks. And people don’t know how to respond “at least it was early” makes no difference to you.
Try to be gentle and kind to yourself. All these feelings are normal. I am happy to chat if you need/want to xxxx
Melenie:
My husband has been great at taking care of me physically but I feel like he has no clue what I’m going through emotionally. I feel like nobody does. “It was only the size of a poppyseed” “better sooner rather than later” “you still have a shot at another baby” “how are you feeling are you sore” and the repeated question of " what’s wrong why are you crying/sad"
None of that matters I was still pregnant I was expecting to have this healthy little life inside me. I was about to be a mother again. Yes I’m sore but my heart hurts the most. Why are so few people aware of the emotional pain that follows this loss?
I’m so sorry for you, and completely understand how you’re feeling. I think people don’t realise the seriousness of ectopic, and assume it’s the same as a miscarriage. Which are difficult enough to deal with.
After my first ectopic, I felt like less of a woman, like I’d failed. After my second one, more of the same, worse. I don’t think there is enough information out there about it, given that it can be life threatening, and the lack of information is frightening!
I guess people don’t want to upset you and don’t know what to ask. They want to be there and support you, but don’t know how. Ultimately, you’re grieving your loss, so you might benefit from some grief counselling, or a group of some sort.
I hope things start to feel a bit easier for you soon x
Im sorry for your loss. I have had 2 ectopics 6 months apart. I havent shared the info with anyone other than my husband so im pretty much suffering in silence. I have taking up painting. I was never 1 to paint but i have found it therapeutic.
Hi Melanie
I’ve just posted a forum. It’s nice to know there is someone feeling the same feelings that I am. I’m pretty sure ours happened the same day too, a few weeks ago now.