My ectopic was on the 30th July and I had emergency surgery to remove my left ruptured tube.
I have gone through a number of emotions and have mainly been feeling numb. I don’t feel myself. I love Christmas but have struggled to be happy this year.
This has been made worse by the fact that I’ve been working myself up as I suspected my sister was pregnant.
My sister announced yesterday that she is 10 weeks pregnant. I know I should be happy for her but I am finding this so hard it is too early after what has happened.
I know I couldn’t ask her to not try but my sister can be quiet selfish and constantly craves attention. The day after I came out of hospital she told me she hadn’t used any contraception for a year but felt she needed to stop trying now. As much as I wanted to ask her to stop trying i knew I couldn’t. She then told my step mum a week later that she wouldn’t stop trying for a baby. She already has a 2 year old daughter.
Having worked out her dates she got pregnant 11 weeks after my operation. I am not prepared for this I am not ready to see her tummy grow and witness everything that I should have been experiencing but I feel so guilty for feeling like this.
I’m feeling just like you seem to be now.I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy approx 5 weeks ago,I would be nearly 12 weeks pregnant now.Our friends announced their pregnancy yesterday,the due date is a week different to what ours would have been.Ive had mixed emotions,I’m really happy for my friends but I’m still very upset for us.I know it’s going to be difficult when we first see them and the different stages of the pregnancy.
I don’t think it’s going to be easy but you need to say positive and be happy for your sister.A baby is a miracle and I’m sure one day,you will get your little miracle.We just have to stay positive and be brave.You are stronger than you think.
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
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