How do I move on?

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Hi, I’m looking for some advice on steps to take to move on from our recent ectopic.

I’ve been so lucky in that the ectopic pregnancy was found early and there was (well hasn’t been so far) no need to operate but the circumstances around getting here have broken me.

I’m 31 and have been trying for a baby since we got married in 2011. I lost my right ovary and tube when I was 22 and due to many surgeries my left tube has a lot of scar tissue so we had no choice but to go straight to ivf. We’ve had 5 rounds of ivf, we’ve always had eggs collected and fertilised and always made it to embryo transfer with varying qualities of embryo, we’ve always had 2 put back and it has never worked, until this time. Our 5th and final go.

I started spotting before my positive test and basically haven’t stopped since. Less than a week after my positive test the spotting turned red and my ivf clinic brought my scan forward. When we went for the scan they found nothing in my uterus but a sac on my left hand side. I’ve since been to hospital where they confirmed the same and I had the methotrexate shot on Wednesday.

I’m really struggling emotionally. I feel like my only good embryo has just been wasted and I’m dealing with the loss of the baby along with accepting that this is the end of our ivf journey and I will never carry my own child all at once. I’m finding dealing with the two together overwhelming and grief is just eating me up.

We’re planning on counselling this time to help get over this and we plan on moving onto adoption next year, but does anyone have any words of advice on dealing with this type of situation. I just feel devastated that this is the end and that it ended in such a terrible way :cry:

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Hello

I am so, so sorry for your loss. You’ve been through a terrible time, and the last few years must have been such an emotional rollercoaster.

But you’re not alone. I’ve had three miscarriages, two of which were ectopic and it’s been devastating. I found sharing my story and listening to others really helpful with my grief. There’s a YouTube couple called Phil and Alex who’ve struggled with infertility for years, and have recently had a third failed IVF attempt which ended in miscarriage. But they have two beautiful girls through adoption. Their story might help.

I also found appreciating what’s good in my life at the moment really helpful. Having babies isn’t everything, it doesn’t define you and you are so much more than that.

FT xxx

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Thank you for your reply and I’m so sorry for your losses. Life is just so cruel sometimes.

I’ll definitely take a look at that channel and I guess just keep talking about things.

I’m sure time will heal, everything just feels so raw right now.

Xxx