Feeling broken

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1

Hi,

I wanted to ask the opinion of others if that would be okay.

Towards the end of June I had a one night stand with a work colleague. I have known him for years and he is well aware of my bad relationship history and the effects this has had on me. Granted we had both been drinking, but he told me he thought he was in love with me, he couldn’t stop thinking about me, I was beautiful etc etc. I had never thought of him in this way before, but I trusted him.

Less than a week later, he made sure I heard that “I didn’t go home last night :wink: ”. When I told him how sick I felt, not that I wanted more but to feel so used, he told me “we went too far”.

10 days on again and I was late. I’m usually like clockwork. When I ask to speak to him and I tell him, he laughed in my face. The weekend passed and I still hadn’t come on. He had me do a test in Asda and watch for the results in the car park. It was negative.

By the Friday I still had no period, not that he had asked since the Monday. I felt “off” all day, I felt like I had slept funny and I had pains in my side. I collapsed that evening, was found to be having an ectopic pregnancy and medicated with methotrexate there and then.

I let him know the next morning, his reply was “omg really”. I heard nothing again. I text on Sunday to say that I’d needed him, he asked “what’s wrong?”

I was next in work a week later, I had to ask him to ask me if I was okay. By now, him and his new girlfriend and their upcoming holiday are talk of the office. I am going for bloods and scans alone.

Six weeks later and I am still bleeding. Midwife thinks I have potential scarring. Also PTS. Again I tell him hoping for any kind of support, instead he spends the weekend uploading photos of the happy couple on Instagram.

Is this a usual reaction to a pregnancy loss outside of a relationship? Despite knowing one another well? Am I wrong to have expected a little more from him? Am I weak for feeling I need him to help me through? Am I pathetic for being so, so hurt? I don’t know where to turn. I feel like he has destroyed me.

2

Dear Sarah,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss and to think you have been facing this alone breaks my heart.

No, it is not your fault for wanting someone by your side when you are going through such a traumatic experience and it is sad to see this man did not step up for you. I am not excusing his behaviour but many people have not heard of ectopic pregnancy and aren’t aware of the dangers of it. That being said, one thing I have learned in life is that you cannot control the emotions or reactions of other people no matter how hard you may want to. It maybe difficult to read but it seems from the outside that he has shown his true colours and I am not sure you are going to get the support you need from him. Is there anyone else close to you that you can rely on for support? A family member or friend?

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

We will of course be here for you, you have friends here who understand. A traumatic experience like ectopic pregnancy can take up to 3 months to begin to process, this is completely normal. If the down days start to outweigh the good however, or you are suffering from signs PTSD, I would speak to you GP or medical practitioner to refer you for specialist talking therapies. These really do help.

We also have these boards for support of you can contact us by email of we have telephone support, we will simply be here for you, however you wish.

For now, be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

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