5 days i new I was pregnant before an a&e trip lead to lots of hospital visits to be told its an ectopic pregnancy. The past 2 and a half weeks have just gone by with me feeling like im just surviving, holding in the emotions that have come with the confusion of everything thats happening. Now my hcg levels are at 17, everyone is saying its âgood newsâ like its all over. The support just gone overnight with the phone call to tell me my hcg levels. I told my partner im going to go for some counciling because I dont think im dealing with this very well. His reply was âif you want to talk, talk to meâ but everytime I start to say how I feel its like hes trying to have a comeback at me as to why its ridiculous or I shouldnât be feeling what I feel. All I got was answers like âyour paying for something you dont need, its over with and talking about it will make it last even longerâ âits not something we wanted so why are you emotional over itâ âit was barely even a babyâ. I feel like everything im feeling is probably normal but its being devalued by the people around me just simply because they dont understand or donât feel and deal with things in the same way. Im fed up of living in a world where im told to just pick up and carry on, move on like nothings happened. Does anyone else have a partner like this? Heâs been supportive towards me this whole time, even though his way of dealing with things is to ignore it and move on, but it was like a switch flicked inside him and he thinks that it is all over and done with because we dont have to make anymore trips to the hospital. I feel like im a burden to everyone because i havnt moved on yet, like im dragging them down because im down. Ive been holding this together for almost 3 weeks now and I feel like counciling is the best option to let it out and fully deal with things otherwise it will come back to haunt me twice as bad further down the line. Sorry for the big rant, I just want to hear if anyone else has been through the same, I feel so alone right now
Hi Lorton,
Iâm very sorry for your ectopic pregnancy and loss. It is so very recent that youâve been through both a physical and emotional trauma. It is usual to have so many thoughts and feelings, and I will do my best to help.
Itâs most important to look after yourself right now. There is nothing you did you cause an ectopic pregnancy. While I wish I could say that there is a route for recovery, each of us is so unique that every journey will be different. These boards are full of women and men who have experienced ectopic pregnancies, losses, and are recovering.
Relationships are complex, and men do grieve differently than women. I found that journalling about my experience and my dreams helped me to make sense of my own emotions. When I was ready, the journal helped me to share those thoughts with my partner, family and some friends.
We want to you know that you are not alone. If you think it may help, we can certainly arrange to speak to you about what you have been through and be a shoulder to lean on. My colleagues and I have also experienced ectopic pregnancy and understand how heartbreaking it is. You can ask any questions or simply tell us about the horrible time you have been through.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis (you pay what you can afford) or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/. You can also speak to your GP specifically about local counseling services and referral for talking therapies.
Be kind to yourself right now and take everything in your own time. Please know that we are here for you, as long as you need.
With good wishes,
Michele
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
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Hi Lorton,
I too have suffered with an ectopic 3 weeks ago, I also feel like I donât really have any support. Although my partner is amazing, know one asks me anymore how I am doing. Somedays I feel fine and other days like today, I just cannot stop the tears from flowing. Everywhere I look people are announcing pregnancies which breaks my heart. I have also experienced an infection in one of my incisions and I am on my second course of antibiotics, Iâm struggling being at work at times because I also feel it means all this should be forgotten. I really hope you are ok and I am here if you would like to talk to me xx