This past year I experienced an ectopic pregnancy and now an early miscarriage. I am currently feeling no hope at all. This is my story, I would love any advice or positive stories to help me gain strength.
I am 29 years old, and about a year ago My husband and I started trying for a baby. I remember thinking I am young and healthy and the thought of problems didn’t even cross my mind. In January I fell pregnant and we were thrilled. At 6 weeks I started spotting and went to the doctor thinking t was nothing given I had no pain whatsoever, but they saw nothing in my uterus and sent me to the ER. At the hospital they did blood work and an ultrasound and after a few emotionally agonizing days I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube- the good news was that it was still small and could be treated with MTX. The shot made me very sick, and together with the emotional and physical sides of EP made me a complete mess. It was the greatest heart break I have ever felt. I missed three weeks of work, I felt depressed and I was sure that I would never be able to have kids. I remember waking up every day to realize that the nightmare hadn’t ended. After awhile I started to feel better, I kept myself busy and I focused on thinking positive. My doctor recommended we wait 6 months before TTC in order to give my body time to heal. I took the 6 months to eat healthy, exercise, meditate and do everything I could to prepare my body for pregnancy. The minute the 6 months were up we started trying again. I got pregnant our first month trying. I remember telling myself “dont get excited, you remember what happened last time.” But I couldn’t help myself I was so happy after the past 7 months of stress, pain, and helplessness I truly believed that this time it would be okay. Last week when I was 5.5 weeks pregnant I started spotting. I automatically thought here its happening again, but also tried to remain calm and convince myself that t could be nothing. We went to the doctor but they saw nothing and said due to my history of EP they wanted me to come in every couple days to track my HCG levels. They saw that the levels remained the same and then started to drop and yesterday I was diagnosed with a spontaneous abortion. My hcg was too low to see anything so they don’t know if it was another EP that was resolving itself or if it was a pregnancy in the uterus too early to see. I am terrified that it was another EP and that this is what will happen every time in the future as well. I know I should be happy that my body is resolving it on its own, but I just feel so down and negative, I cant believe I am loosing another pregnancy, This happening once felt like too much but I gathered my strength to try again and now I just feel completely lost and heartbroken. I want a baby so bad, but the thought of this happening a third time seems unbearable.
I don’t know what to do at this point. Part of me is saying that we should just try again as soon as possible and I truly believe it’ll be fine this time…but anther part of me fears that maybe something is wrong wth me and this will continue to happen. How do I know if this was just bad luck twice in a row or if I need to get further tested to find out what’s causing all of this.
Any advise or outcomes or similar stories will help. Thanks