Ectopic now Miscarriage, heartbroken and in need of hope

Other Pregnancy and Baby Loss
1

This past year I experienced an ectopic pregnancy and now an early miscarriage. I am currently feeling no hope at all. This is my story, I would love any advice or positive stories to help me gain strength.

I am 29 years old, and about a year ago My husband and I started trying for a baby. I remember thinking I am young and healthy and the thought of problems didn’t even cross my mind. In January I fell pregnant and we were thrilled. At 6 weeks I started spotting and went to the doctor thinking t was nothing given I had no pain whatsoever, but they saw nothing in my uterus and sent me to the ER. At the hospital they did blood work and an ultrasound and after a few emotionally agonizing days I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube- the good news was that it was still small and could be treated with MTX. The shot made me very sick, and together with the emotional and physical sides of EP made me a complete mess. It was the greatest heart break I have ever felt. I missed three weeks of work, I felt depressed and I was sure that I would never be able to have kids. I remember waking up every day to realize that the nightmare hadn’t ended. After awhile I started to feel better, I kept myself busy and I focused on thinking positive. My doctor recommended we wait 6 months before TTC in order to give my body time to heal. I took the 6 months to eat healthy, exercise, meditate and do everything I could to prepare my body for pregnancy. The minute the 6 months were up we started trying again. I got pregnant our first month trying. I remember telling myself “dont get excited, you remember what happened last time.” But I couldn’t help myself I was so happy after the past 7 months of stress, pain, and helplessness I truly believed that this time it would be okay. Last week when I was 5.5 weeks pregnant I started spotting. I automatically thought here its happening again, but also tried to remain calm and convince myself that t could be nothing. We went to the doctor but they saw nothing and said due to my history of EP they wanted me to come in every couple days to track my HCG levels. They saw that the levels remained the same and then started to drop and yesterday I was diagnosed with a spontaneous abortion. My hcg was too low to see anything so they don’t know if it was another EP that was resolving itself or if it was a pregnancy in the uterus too early to see. I am terrified that it was another EP and that this is what will happen every time in the future as well. I know I should be happy that my body is resolving it on its own, but I just feel so down and negative, I cant believe I am loosing another pregnancy, This happening once felt like too much but I gathered my strength to try again and now I just feel completely lost and heartbroken. I want a baby so bad, but the thought of this happening a third time seems unbearable.

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Dear Ronnie89,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. To experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

It is such a difficult time but we do hear from many women who successfully conceive following mutliple losses.

You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. Coming to terms with what has happened will take time. You are still in the early weeks of recovery and are physically and emotionally needing to heal. You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and I can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Can I also advise you repost this on the Preparing for your next Pregnancy board as you may get more replies and support there.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.