Im so sad, need words of encouragement.

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Hi everyone!

I just wanted to share my experience and hope I could some words of encouragement from others who have been going through similar heartache!

I fell pregnant in Jan '20 and had a fairly uneventful pregnancy. 3 days before my 12 week scan I started to bleed and it turned out to be a missed miscarriage (foetus only grew to 6-7 weeks). My heart was broken but I went through medical management and just over a month later, I was physically back to normal.

We mourned the loss of our first baby but we so desperately wanted to try again so as soon as we were able, we did.

I found out in July at 4 weeks exactly I was pregnant again. A little more wary this time, we started to get excited but didnt think about announcements or nurserys and booked a private scan asap. At exactly 6 weeks I started to bleed again and fully assumed it was another miscarriage. Things happened much quicker this time round though so to cut to the chase after quite a bit of investigating it was diagnosed as ectopic.

I am now nearly a month passed my initial bleed and a week post methotrexate and while I feel physically quite rough, I am now devastated that when we do try again, we will not have any joy until a baby actually arrives.

I feel such anger at the world for having babies and making announcements so confident that everything is ok! Everywhere I look someone is pregnant or having a baby and its just not fair.

I know these feelings will eventually pass but I just am so upset that any (hopeful) future pregnancies cant be enjoyed for fear of more heartache and worry, and it is something Ive waited my whole life to enjoy!

I know noone can, but I just hope someone can tell me it does get better and the worry dissipates as time goes on.

I also want others to maybe read this and know that you’re not alone, I wish we weren’t going through this life changing time but we can get through it together.

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Hi,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for all that you have gone through and that I completely understand your fears. I had an ectopic in May and ended up having surgery to remove my right tube.

We have started trying again and last cycle I had two very faint lines on a pregnancy test. I immediately started panicking and worrying about whether it will happen again. It turned out that I wasn’t pregnant in the end but the strength of the emotions I felt were surprising.

I told my mum and said that I can never have that feeling of happiness when I get a positive as the fear of it reoccurring is so strong.

There are so many stories though of people who have gone through what both of us have and have ended up having healthy pregnancies so stay positive and one day, I am sure it will work out for you. xx

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Dear Gorby91,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses, to experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

I think your thoughts will echo with a lot of ladies and families here. I certainly remember feeling nothing but sorry when I saw the second line on the positive pregnancy test after my ectopic pregnancy. I think this is completely normal after everything we have been through. My mind started racing and I was only really able to relax to some degree after my early scan, which we advise you book in at around 6 weeks.

Try to keep positive however as the chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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