How to stay feeling hopeful?

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Hi all.

Sorry in advance that this post is all about me me me.

On the 8th Nov I lost our much wanted baby at 6 weeks. It was ectopic. I had surgery and lost my right tube. We had been trying for 8 months. It was my first pregnancy.

At the time the signs were so subtle I thought the Dr was just being thorough but on the morning of the scan I started to think that maybe it was a MC. I genuinely didn’t think it could be ectopic, it didn’t sound anything like what I knew about that.

Fast forward nearly 5weeks to now. I’m not crying as often as I was but last couple of days I’m feeling so negative. Having been unlucky enough to have this once, all I can now see is that my chance of a 2nd is so much greater. I know that that 1:10 statistic includes people with underlying risk factors and so in reality my risk is probably lower but still. All I want is to join this exclusive mother club. I waited so long to find my person (was 35 when I met him) and I suffer from anxiety and depression at times. I thought I would be too old and then I found him and thought maybe I might just have a baby after all. This just feels so cruel. Like having a carrot dangled in front of us. And has pressed every one of my anxiety buttons. We just want one healthy baby.

I’ve been referred to see fertility consultant and sounds like he may do the dye test on my remaining tube. I don’t know that we would be able to afford private IVF. And I’m not certain I would qualify with my advancing age (now 38) and not trying for ‘long enough’. Especially if my remaining tube is ‘ok’. So all I can see is that my chances are slim.

I don’t know what I expect you to say to help me but thank you for taking the time to read this. X

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Dear LucyLo,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss.

Never feel that you have to apologise for reaching out on these boards. These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

It is good that you have been referred to a fertility specialist, however many people to on to concieve naturally following ectopic pregnancy. I always say to flip those statistics around. Yes there is a 10 percent chance of another ectopic pregnancy after a first, but that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time too.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery too.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. Take the time You need to heal both physically and emotionally.

You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and I can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.I

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

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Thank you for your reply.

Xmas has a weird feeling for me this year, should have been having our 12 week scan and instead having a different type of scan.

I’m still waiting for AF tho, 6 weeks now. It’s worrying me that most people seem to have had it by now after tube removal. I kind of feel like AF coming will help with the moving on process.