Wanting another baby after loss

Hi all,

I’m new to this so please bare with me. I’ll Start with my story.

On the 11th January 2024 I was taking to hospital to be checked to what I thought was a urine infection but actually turned out to be a cornual ectopic pregnancy. I would of been 8 weeks pregnant within a few hours of finding our I was in surgery. Not only did I loose my baby I lost my right tube and nearly my life due to complications in surgery.

I’m really struggling with seeing post from friends and family about there babies or the announcements. Knowing that should be me I grieve everyday for my baby that was loved from the very first moment I knew I was pregnant.

The problem I have is I really want another baby. However, my dad has asked me not to try for another baby as he nearly lost me and now my husband feels the same.

Am I being selfish??? I have two boys already but always knew I wanted one more baby and I can’t shake that feeling I’m 34 and time is ticking.

I would really like to know how people deal with this.

I’m sorry for all your loses our babies will always be in our hearts.

Thank you

Dear Terri,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

I completely understand the urge to conceive following baby loss, I think many people do. Ectopic pregnancy can be very traumatic for our loved ones watching it unfold.

What you can say to your loved ones is that following an ectopic pregnancy, it is advised to have an early pregnancy scan at around 6 weeks. This is so any possible complications can be monitored and caught early before any possible emergency situations arise. This may help to reassure fears of worries they may have.

We also have more information on concieving following ectopic pregnancy on our website and there is also a specific Mens board on these forums your family members can look at for support if they wish. Even just reading other partners experiences and views can sometimes help and be supportive.

Above all, keep talking with your loved ones, telling them how you feel, listening to their concerns, use our website for support and information and keep that open dialog going. We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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Hi

Firstly I’m so sorry this happened to you. I felt exactly the same after I had my eptopic pregnancy. I wanted another baby because I felt it was the one thing that would heal my broken heart. When I fell pregnant again, in some ways it does make you feel whole again but in other ways it makes you worry so much that everything will be ok this time. I became pregnant quite quickly but in doing so i don’t think it gave my mind time to process the loss of my first baby. Give your body, mind and heart time to heal so you can be in a place that will not allow the negative experience to overshadow the positive one. Take care of yourself and your lovely family xxx

I conceived after my first period after the ectopic and had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks - I am emotionally a complete mess please give yourself some time before trying again as it’s a pretty horrendous place to be right now