Miscarriage followed by ectopic

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1

Hello,

I’m not sure what to write exactly as I have never used something like this. I am currently expectantly managing an ectopic pregnancy. This comes after having a miscarriage in December.

I know I should be grateful as we only started trying to get pregnant in September and have fallen pregnant twice so quickly but both have now ended in loss. The miscarriage was very difficult but I found comfort in speaking to friends and family who had been through similar or at least knew someone who had. I felt hopeful that miscarriage was common and we’d find our luck later. This helped me deal with the grief of losing our first baby.

Following my ectopic last week, it feels different and so much more scary. I’d never heard of anyone having an ectopic before I found out last week and I am struggling to process my emotions. I have been looking forwards to having children for as long as I remember but I feel like all hope of this has been dashed.

I feel like being able to get pregnant will never be enough and for whatever reason I am unable to carry a pregnancy. I am desperate to know what’s wrong with me and why I can’t do this but there doesn’t seem to be any answers. I am feeling sad, confused and angry. After my miscarriage in Dec I took 3 weeks off work to try and process the loss and recover from surgery. This time I went back to work the next day as I can’t seem to cope with sitting still and being alone with my thoughts.

It feels like a scary place right now.

2

Hi, so sorry for what your going through right now. I just thought I’d comment in the hope I can give you some hope. I have had 2 ectopic pregnancies, multiple miscarriages and 2 healthy boys. This spans over 10 years. Latest ruptured ectopic I’ve just recovered from this January. I know you’ll feel like there may be no hope but there really is. I had a miscarriage before my first child, multiple miscarriages for more years, then an ectopic that ruptured taking away my left tube. I then had more miscarriages, then my 2nd little boy! Then have had the last ectopic since which has taken my remaining tube. It’s often a long journey to get there but there is always hope so long as you can keep trying. I must add, I had all the tests done too at fertility clinic and nothing came back wrong with me at all. Both the pregnancies I had absolutely no issues either. Sending lots of love and hope you recover soon x

3

Hello,

Thank you so much for your reply and sharing your story. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve had positives in an amongst what must have been some very difficult times.

Thank you again and I hope one day I will also have positive news to share xx

4

Hi I am so sorry to hear that and I can relate so badly! Just like you I had a miscarriage last year October. It was our first attempt to get pregnant. Physically I recovered quickly and although it took a little while to overcome it mentally I also told myself that after all miscarriages are (sadly) more common than always thought. I fell pregnant again within a few months just to end in an ectopic this time. Both pregnancies were around 7w and I couldn’t enjoy much of them as shortly after I knew I was pregnant, something went wrong. I am now 3w post methotrexate treatment and approaching < 5 soon. Like you I was told that fertility isn’t the issue but pregnancy loss. I am 38y and obviously there is an increased risk but I too feel confused and sad. I can’t give you any answers but I thought it might help you to hear from someone who’s journey seems to be very similar. I wish you all the best! Let’s not give up.

5

Hello,

Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your story. It sounds like we have been through an almost identical journey over the last through months.
I am now two weeks post <5 after managing the ectopic naturally and am relieved to be done with hospital visits.
I still feel unsure about what will happen next but am trying to see that there can still be a positive end.
I am so sorry that you have been through the same thing and can fully understand the pain and challenges you may have faced.
I wish you all the best and I hope there’s a brighter future x

6

Hi Meg,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life-threatening emergency and its treatment, a reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense, and your feelings are completely normal.

You will need space and time to come to terms with everything. There is no timeframe for recovery; take each day as it comes. It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.

In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

In terms of chances of future successful pregnancies, studies do not show a significant difference between treatment routes, whether surgical, medical using methotrexate or expectant management (allowing time for the body to resolve the pregnancy itself).

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. We are here for as long as you need.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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