Hi Akendall92
I hope you are doing well. I saw your post and it was very similar to my story so I wanted to share mine with you. Like yourself, my ectopic wasn’t picked up on the scans and due to a rupture and significant blood loss, I am lucky to be alive. For my own mental health and recovery (and for my husbands recovery too), I found that showing the ultrasound scans to my doctor and obstetrician was very useful - they took a look and confirmed it was in a difficult spot and due to a blighted ovum being in my uterus (i.e. I had two "pregnancies"which is very rare) the blighted ovum was a bit of a red herring. Mentally, this made me go from anger / an attitude that the sonographer almost killed me due to negligence, to accepting that this was an absolute freak event and even the most trained eye found it difficult to spot.
I do want to add that in time, you will reach a point where you and your partner may wish to try again. We reached that point after about 4 months (thanks to the support of medical professionals, a good counsellor, good support at home/work etc). If you’d spoken to me after my first ectopic in March 2022 I would have sworn I’d never try again. Unfortunately for us, I had an ectopic in the second tube so had my second (and last) tube removed last week so a natural pregnancy isn’t meant to be and IVF is now our only option. But I did want to emphasise that one day, you’ll have the courage to try again - that in itself isn’t easy but its a good way to try to heal.
Please feel free to respond if you want to discuss further.
Best,
Mel x
My story
My husband and I have a four year old boy. When I was 11 weeks pregnant with him, I had an appendicitis. Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy to see (the baby was in the way on an ultrasound) and my hospital didn’t have an MRI - so it took over 24 hours to diagnose through a private facility with an MRI off-site. By the time I had surgery to remove it, it had already begun to rupture. I was told if it ruptured, I’d lose my baby. I am forever grateful that my little one survived. Unbeknownst to me, my doctors now suspect the rupturing did damage to both of my felopian tubes (as I would soon find out having just had my second ectopic pregnancy) meaning natural conception wouldn’t occur for me again.
Due to COVID, we decided to put off no. 2 until I was fully vaccinated. The roll out in Australia was slow and it meant that early 2022 was when we were finally in a position to try again. I thankfully fell pregnant very quickly. As we were trying I did pregnancy tests very early - so I went to my doctor very early who did a blood test. My initial HCG levels were on the lower side and he said he was concerned I might have a blighted ovum (I had no idea what that was at the time) and to re-test again in a few days. I was about to embark on a road trip interstate for a family holiday so I said I would get another blood test when I arrived. A few days later, I had that second blood test and everything came back within the normal range. The day before we were due to drive home, I experienced quite a sharp pain on the left hand side when using the bathroom - I remember telling my husband and son that I needed to lie down and just rest for a moment. The pain went from quite a sharp one to just dull, throbbing pain. By this point I was 7 weeks, 4 days. I tried to phone around for an appointment with a local doctor but none had appointments so luckily my obstetrician’s midwife could send a referral for an ultrasound and I found a sonographer who had availability. I remember seeing the referral letter with ‘RULE OUT ECTOPIC PREGNANCY’ in huge writing (I knew what that was as my grandma had had one - she went on to have 3 children!). I had to go for the scan on my own as my husband was caring for my son (and no kids were allowed). It was a very lonely moment of my life - the sonographer said to me that unfortunately, I had a blighted ovum in my uterus - i.e. an empty sac with no embryo. She said that there was no ectopic and all I had was the blighted ovum in the uterus - I would miscarry or my obstetrician would need to perform a D+C. That was very difficult news to take. She as a side bar mentioned that their team had seen a really rare and unusual thing a few weeks ago where this woman had an ectopic pregnancy in her tube and a baby in her uterus - I remember hearing that thinking gosh that’s tough. Little did I know that "'rare"event was precisely what was happening to me - I had an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube up near my ovary (not picked up on ultrasound) and a blighted ovum in my uterus - i.e. two fertilised eggs .
The following day we commenced our two day drive home. As per the sonographer’s comments, I knew I was going to miscarry so I brought painkillers, pads etc with me so I was a bit prepared. However, about 2 hours in, I started feeling quite unwell. We stopped at a park to give my son the chance to stretch his legs and I spent the entire time lying on the ground, in the dirt, with ants crawling all over me, with my legs up in the air feeling very faint. I can’t remember how many hours went by of me just lying there feeling pain in my abdomen and drifting in and out of consciousness. My husband offered to take me to hospital but given there was no blood and I was told I’d miscarry this blighted ovum, I said lets keep going, this must just be what a miscarriage feels like. It wasn’t until we reached our destination several hours later that I realised I wasn’t in a great way - I had been in and out of consciousness the whole time - both my husband and I had thought I was just sleeping. We drove our car over the lip of the driveway at our hotel and I shrieked in pain - i couldn’t walk/get out of the car, I had to literally crawl on all 4s into the lift and then up into the room. I had a bath to try and ease the pain. I then hopped into bed and couldn’t get comfortable thanks to back and shoulder pain. I kept fainting and eventually called the local maternity ward to see if I should come in - I was told to go to the emergency department straight away. As my husband couldn’t get me out of bed, he called an ambulance - they spent over an hour trying to get a drip into my veins as (i didn’t realise at the time), I was bleeding internally. My husband stayed behind with my son due to covid restrictions in the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital, I was in quite a lot of pain. I began screaming out in agony every time a wave of pain hit my shoulder tips. It was very hard to be comfortable or to say much other than to say they had found a blighted ovum, show them the password to my phone to find the ultrasound images and blood test results. Thankfully (I remain blessed to this day), my screams got the attention of the head of the emergency department. He had seen this once before in his career and immediately put an ultrasound on my stomach - he said it was full of blood. I don’t recall how many bags of blood were then given to me but within the space of 14 minutes, they had me prepped, up at theatre, ready to go with a specialist who (thankfully was on call!) specialised in keyhole surgery. My left tube was removed (ovary remains) and I had lost over 3L of blood.
The next few weeks were the hardest for me. As you would know, considerable blood loss and blood transfusions means your iron levels are low and you feel like rubbish - this is in addition to any post-surgery pain etc. We had to somehow drive home a further 6 hours which added complications - thankfully my parents drove through the night to get here and support us. For a long time, I felt angry and in disbelief that an ultrasound literally the day before this significant event didn’t pick up the ectopic - my surgeon said due to the amount of blood loss and clotting, it had been going for some time. I spent a lot of time googling, researching, reading - unfortunately I didn’t find this amazing organisation until the second ectopic just now. I spent a lot of time looking for answers and I think that chewed me up a bit mentally.
It was a number of weeks before I could speak to a professional counsellor who specialised in trauma/pregnancy loss etc. - this was because they are so in demand/fully booked. However, I found that speaking with her really began to help me heal mentally. lt allowed me to discuss my grief, she explored lots of different aspects etc. The other thing I found very useful was that at my 6 week post-op checkup with my doctor and my usual obstetrician, I had them take a look at the ultrasounds - I am not a litigious person but if they had identified something was missed, I’d want to make sure that sonographer never practiced again. They all took a look - and my obstetrician showed the images to his other colleagues and sonographers that worked in his rooms - and all concluded that having two pregnancies was very rare, the blighted ovum in my uterus was a ‘red’ herring and the ectopic was difficult to spot (although it was visible and with the benefit of hindsight, it was clear where it was). This made me feel one million times better as I went from absolute anger around someones negligence (i.e. you almost killed me / my son almost lost his mum / my husband almost lost his wife etc. etc.) to a bit of relief that it was a massive freak situation.
Other things we did to mark out loss - we bought some roses to plant in our garden (the varieties - a Mothers Love, a Child’s Love and an Iceberg Rose) and I bought the most spectacular ring with the birth stone of the children that weren’t meant to be (due 7 November 22). I get many comments from the ring and I often explain what it was for - it is a reminder to me every day that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I (like yourself) have survived this. So think about doing something to mark your loss.
Fast forward 4 months and mentally, my husband and I were in a position to start trying again. I was able to speak openly to people about what happened without getting emotional and I felt confident that if something happened again, I had the right team around me and we would be at home/with our support instead of travelling interstate. We were so lucky to be pregnant in the first month of trying. At that point, the anxiety started to kick in for me - would I get another ectopic, a blighted ovum, another type of miscarriage etc. My parents were travelling so I couldn’t speak to my mum. So I rang up and made another appointment with my counsellor who helped guide me through it - her piece of advice was to acknowledge to myself that what I was going through was UNCERTAIN - i.e. you aren’t 100% convinced its a baby or an ectopic or anything - and to cut myself some slack. Unfortunately, and tragically, last week at a 5 week, 2 day scan, our worst fears were confirmed - I had another ectopic, this time on my right tube. I had the choice of the chemical clear out (but my OB said my risk of another ectopic had now increased to over 50% and there was a risk it would rupture) or to have the tube surgically removed. We elected for the latter even though we knew our dream of conceiving naturally was over. It was very rushed - I had surgery about 6 hours after the initial identification of the second ectopic. My obstetrician said that when he was operating the tube had started to leak blood and it was only a few days away from rupturing - that was a really good thing to hear mentally as it meant the decision to remove the tube was the best decision we could have made.
I remain hopeful that maybe one day we will be blessed with another child. We have a long road ahead with the IVF process and I am very grateful we have jobs that mean we can afford to pay for private treatment (as in Australia, public treatment is limited). I am unsure what the future holds but my key POSITIVE takeaways from all of this are (1) what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger - you become more resiliant, you don’t sweat the small stuff, you focus on what and who matters, you prioritise who and what matters (2) I could not have picked a better life partner - my husband is the most amazing person I’ve ever known and I am so grateful we found each other and have each other, (3) how good is science - whether it be the ultrasounds or blood tests that pick up issues or IVF or fertility assistance. We live in such a good era and (4) how excellent my ‘team’ is - I have found a network of counsellors, doctors, obstetricians etc who are in my court and who have supported me and will continue to support me through this (including identifying this issue and swiftly fixing it for me). I would encourage you to look for some positives out of what I know would have been a very difficult time - having said that, be kind to yourself, you will have sad days, you will have difficult days - they may be in the next few weeks or they may be in the months ahead (I remember recently attending a baby shower which I found to be very difficult).
I hope this somehow helps you heal and feel that you are not alone. Please respond if you want to continue chatting.
xx
