TTC scared to try again

Nearly a month ago now I had my (ruptured) right tube removed, I was 9 weeks gone with my first pregnancy. I had all the signs of a ruptured ectopic (not that I knew it at the time) a week before the surgery, just thought my IBS was really playing up that day! My husband and I had been so happy and excited about having a little one on the way, starting the next chapter in our lives. The thing is now, though I very much still want to have kids, the thought of starting to try again is really terrifying me.

I know it’s early days and at the moment I’m still recovering from surgery. There are two parts of my brain one saying start trying again as soon as you can, if it may take 18months to 2 years anyway- better get on with it! The other part of my brain says I’m just not ready, I’m still traumatised from what happened.

At the moment I’m not sure which part of my brain will win and until after my period arrives, I guess I don’t have to decide anyway! I know I can only answer this dilemma myself but thought maybe others have the same dilemma it would be good for some support xx

Dear Aida512,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, it is such a difficult time and I will do my best to help.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us.

Sending much love,

Karen x


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Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.


Hello, Aida!

I have been Passing through the same, and I feel lonely as it seems no one understand this feeling. If you want to chat, feel Free to e-mail me.

Wish you the best!

Xo,

T.

Hi Theresa,

Thanks for replying. After trying seriously for 2 cycles, massively freaking out when I was 2 days late, we’re ‘not trying not preventing’ for the time being. My husband is amazing but not sure he grasps just how terrifying it is so glad there are people here who can empathise!

Hope things are going ok for you x