When to try again...

When reading the forums on this site and many others, it seems like a lot of people are ready, or at least willing, to try again not long after their loss because of how badly they want to start a family.

I’m struggling with just basic day-to-day life right now. So I’m curious if anyone else felt like waiting to ttc.

So many things are weighing on me right now. I’m scared for one. But it’s not just being scared. The idea of trying again before my estimated ‘due date’ range bothers me (a lot). If I conceive before then I would only have my child because I wasn’t able to have the other. And that’s a big ‘if’ because, honestly, I’m pretty positive something’s either wrong with me or will be wrong if I try again ( or both). I need to schedule an hsg test but I’m even afraid to do that right now. The first methotrexate shot was 11 weeks ago, but it all still feels so fresh. I feel so defeated.

Did anyone else go through anything like this?

I just feel like I’m on my own… that no one understands.

Does anyone have thoughts that helped them through?

Dear NyrN84,

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

I hope you don’t mind me gently reminding you that once your hCG levels have fallen below 5mIU/mL, take a folic acid supplement for 12 weeks before you try to conceive. This is because the Methotrexate may have reduced the level of folate in your body which is needed to ensure a baby develops healthily. The Methotrexate is metabolised quickly but it can affect the quality of your cells, including those of your eggs and the quality of your blood for up to three months after it has been given. The medicine can also affect the way your liver works and so you need to give your body time to recover properly before a new pregnancy is considered. A shortage of folate could result in a greater chance of a baby having a neural tube defect such as hare lip, cleft palate, or even spina bifida or other NT defects. This is why the “wait” and then taking folic acid for 12 weeks before trying to conceive is so important.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific ‘preparing for your next pregnancy’ board you can look at too whenever feel ready.

Sending much love,

Karen x


If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.


I appreciate the support.

I’m just not sure how to proceed. I feel like I’m supposed to move forward, but I just can’t. I’m almost twelve weeks after my first injection. I’m close to a point when I could physically try again, but I just can’t even consider it.

I’m struggling because I feel like everyone else is able to go on. I’m glad for those who are able to try again with success. I know that a lot of people find hope from their stories. I’m just not able to. I just need to figure out how to get through the despair. I know there is know easy fix, and I’m not looking for one. I just want to know what has helped others.

Before the ectopic I wanted a family so bad, but now I just can’t imagine trying again. I don’t want a baby. I want the one I can never have.