Hi all,
I’m new to the forum and I don’t have anyone that I can speak to who has been through a similar situation (I had one friend who had ectopics but on the day of my loss, she had her second born and has been insensitive a number of times, so I haven’t felt comfortable speaking to them).
On Valentine’s Day, my now husband and I found out we were pregnant. It was scary as it happened much quicker than we’d expected but we were so excited and started planning budgets and thinking of our new future straight away. Later that evening I had some dark spotting but my husbands Mum assured us she had the same and we googled it and no worrying symptoms were occurring, so we kept an eye on it. That weekend it had got much worse and there was blood when I went to the bathroom, and 111 advised us to drive to urgent care in a city 40 minutes away (we have since been told we should have been sent to our local A&E, 5 minutes away). The whole experience was awful as we had a wait over 6 hours, the triage nurse spoke to me with the door open so anyone in close proximity in the reception could hear her telling me I was likely having a miscarriage, before a doctor took my bloods and sent me home to come back later that week.
We were able to get an appointment at our local EPU for the next week and there they said they couldn’t see anything on the scan, but wanted to take my bloods again in 48 hours as I was still testing as pregnant in my urine samples. The next blood test was the day of my hen party, so I told my friends earlier than I intended too as I couldn’t drink, and I had an anxious wait for my results to appear… I was ecstatic to find that my HCG had actually increased!
A week later, we went back for another scan and were told there was a gestational sac, but no yolk sac, so to prepare for a miscarriage but to return in a week if it hadn’t happened. Once we got to the car I began having cramps which became unbearable quickly upon returning, and I was advised to return. I wasn’t allowed anyone with me whilst I waited and they did checks and said it was a miscarriage and were sending me home when I got dizzy and the nurse didn’t like the way I looked, so I was kept back for more checks. A doctor checked me and as I had no shoulder pain he determined it wasn’t an ectopic and wanted to wait for the drugs to kick in to take me for a scan. Eventually they realised the pain wasn’t subsiding and the nurses helped me into a chair and at the scan the room was suddenly flooded with a medical team and I was told it was an ectopic and my tube had ruptured so I needed to be rushed into theatre.
I was in so much pain I didn’t have time to register what was going on and was just wanting anything to help stop the pain. When I woke up I was in a high dependency ward as I’d lost half of my blood due to internal bleeding and had a blood transfusion.
The next day my husband was allowed to visit me for an hour and bring in things for me, and then I was alone again until the next day. I was then moved to a different ward for the rest of my stay and was placed on a ward with a pregnant woman, which made it incredibly more difficult for me. I was in hospital alone trying to blank out her conversation and just wanting to be home to grieve with my husband, and come to terms with the fact I’d nearly lost my life too.
It also didn’t help that on their rounds, a gynaecologist said I need to get my BMI under control before trying again, as it then gave me more feelings of guilt.
When I was discharged I was in so much pain and my husband was amazing and looked after me so well, but unfortunately I’d caught covid in the hospital so couldn’t have friends to support me whilst he was working.
Since then, I’ve been trying to come to terms with everything and been asked by a colleague when the baby was due (she didn’t know I’d been pregnant, and she said it was due to my weight gain that she’d assumed) and I have reminders when I see photos of the friend who’s baby was born on the day of my loss, and another’s baby who will turn one on what would have been my due date.
It has been so hard to decide whether or not we will want to try again in the future, as I’m so scared about how my experience went and that things would have been so different if I hadn’t got dizzy when I was being discharged from the hospital.
I’m trying to see the positives and have tried to share my story to raise awareness of ectopic pregnancies but also the importance of blood donations, as strangers donating saved my life, but there’s still some moments of sorrow and fear, and I’m hoping things get easier.
Best wishes to everyone else on this forum who has suffered losses 